Since hearing of my dear friend’s sudden passing a couple weeks ago, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what he might have done differently in the last weeks, months and years if he knew how little time he had left. It’s such a reminder to live each moment to its fullest, choose to let go of regret and with and shower the people you love with love while you still have the time.
If you knew you only had 1 year to live what would you be doing differently?
Are there changes you want to make but keep putting off? You’re not alone! Most people flirt with the idea of doing things differently but fears and doubts hold them back. Are you ever plagued with thoughts about “what people would think” or “it probably won’t work out” or “it’ll cause too much drama.”
Life may have given you plenty of good reasons for holding these beliefs and fears. Yet, if you don’t do anything differently, you’ll be in the same place tomorrow, next week and next year.
Often if people wait for a frightening accident or life-threatening diagnosis to give themselves permission to live more boldly and honor their true voice. Why wait?
If you knew your days were numbered would you to-do list suddenly look much different? Would your actions better reflect your true priorities? Would you spend time with the same people? Would you be more daring? Would you take a leap of faith?
Maybe hug a little more. Nap a little more. Stress a little less.
What things would you not want to leave unsaid or undone? Would you plan an amazing vacation? Would you slow down and notice the natural beauty of nature and good people? Would you care a little less about what people think? What talents or creative interests have you let fall by the way side would you rekindle? Would you let the little things and small minded people matter a little less? Would you say I love you more? Who would you forgive? Who would you stand up to? Be a little more outspoken? Adventuresome? Kind? Fearless? What’s your secret burning desire? Go for it!
If you’d feel justified to make changes if you knew your days were numbered, you already have what it takes to start heading in that direction now. Don’t wait for the Universe to hit you with a 2 x 4. Start today to live each moment to the fullest so no matter how many more days you have left you’ll have no regrets and true bliss along the journey. Begin to live true to yourself rather than other people’s ideas of who and what you should be.
No matter what all our days are numbered, so make the most of each and every one.
To keep fear from stalling you, start small. This weekend, make a point to tell the people you love not only that you love them but why. Then make a list of the top 5 things you’d do in the next year if you knew it was your last. Email me your list! I’d love to see what’s on it! Then take another small step in the direction of living your best life.
Showing posts with label Priorities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Priorities. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Your Big 3
Your Big 3
“Action expresses priorities.”-Mahatma Gandhi
With the fast pace of life, it’s easy to get distracted. However, there are only a limited number of things that actually matter. The rest is background noise that has the potential to pull you off track. Before you know it you end up in a situation that doesn’t match your core values or sucks your energy. Don’t get bogged down in the little distractions or mundane irritations. I want you to have a screening process in place to help keep you focused AND on track with your priorities and true self.
Back when I was a full blown Pleaseaholic, I found myself trying to keep everyone happy by spending time and energy on stuff that not only wasn’t important to me, but kept me from giving my best to the people and causes that were dearest to my heart. To help keep me living intentionally and deliberately in the direction of my ideal life, I created a system I want to share with you called “The Big 3.” This tool guides you when tempted to choose thoughts or actions that are incongruent with your heart’s deepest desires.
“The Big 3” are your top three priorities in life. By determining your top 3 priorities ahead of time it’ll be easier to avoid caving to pressure, melting in the heat of the moment or being swayed by guilt. Having already decided, you’ll be able to make an authentic choice that naturally supports your most valued relationships, satisfaction and joy.
Everyone’s list is different. You get to decide what “The Big 3” are for you. Mine are:
• Relationships (Me, kids, husband, friends, extended family, kindness to strangers)
• Learning/Growth/Knowledge
• Authentic Financial Abundance/Money
You’ll note “ME” is the first relationship I tend to. My relationship with myself determines the quality of all my other relationships. If I’m down, emotionally depleted or stressed, I’m not going to have my best to offer to the people I love who depend on me. Making yourself your top priority isn’t selfish…it’s selfish to withhold the best of your self from others because you’re unwilling to be kind to and care for yourself.
The distinction between selfish or self-absorbed behavior and self-care is selfishness only benefits you. On the other hand, self-care and kindness allow you to replenish your inner reserves so you have what you need to be of service in the ways that feel most meaningful to you. For example, if you go get a pedicure because you want people at the beach to think you’re cool or rich because your toes are pretty, that’s probably self-absorbed. If you go get a pedicure because the mental break and relaxation allows you to recharge your batteries, so you can help care for your children, growing business AND aging parents, that’s self-care. (Plus, it’s ok if just lifts your spirits to look your best.) Do you see the difference?
When I need to make a decision about how to allocate my time, energy and resources, I consult my Big 3 and make the choice that is most in harmony with these core values.
You can customize and tailor your “Big 3” according to your values and personality. For example, relationships have probably been my top priority my whole life, but since I’m a recovering Pleaseaholic, I could easily get in trouble if I just left “Relationships” as a broad term. Because in the past I was trying to please everyone all the time, I would have felt compelled to tend to relationships almost equally. A good relationship with my mailman was as important as the quality of my relationship with my mom.
If I weren’t specific, I could easily get pulled off track. Really taking time to ponder what relationships TRULY matter helped me break out of my old patterns of seeking approval from everyone. I set better boundaries and put my attention on the relationships that matter most. (I still make a conscious choice to extend kindness to strangers&hell ip;for me it’s an offering of gratitude. I hope to create a ripple effect. Pay it forward and all that stuff.
Do your actions match Your BIG 3? For example, I know tons of people who would list their children’s happiness and well being as their #1 priority. However, their actions demonstrate a clean house, their career or perfect image is higher priorities. This isn’t a judgment, but rather me holding you accountable to honestly assess the congruence of your words and actions. (You know what they say, speaks louder…) Of course I believe in balance between a thriving career, a healthy family and polished appearance too. However, look at what the net effect of your actions communicates. Either change your “Big 3” to match your actual actions, or consider you may need to change your actions.
What we put our attention on and keep track of grows. “The Big 3” helps maintain balance and deliberate living so your results are in line with your passions and priorities. That’s lots more satisfying and enjoyable!
YOUR ASSIGNMENT: Craft your Big 3! It’s easy to get distracted or slip into old habits. Having a screening process in place will help keep you focused AND keep your life on track with your priorities and true self. When you feel unsure about what to do, consult and act in accordance with your Big 3.
“Action expresses priorities.”-Mahatma Gandhi
With the fast pace of life, it’s easy to get distracted. However, there are only a limited number of things that actually matter. The rest is background noise that has the potential to pull you off track. Before you know it you end up in a situation that doesn’t match your core values or sucks your energy. Don’t get bogged down in the little distractions or mundane irritations. I want you to have a screening process in place to help keep you focused AND on track with your priorities and true self.
Back when I was a full blown Pleaseaholic, I found myself trying to keep everyone happy by spending time and energy on stuff that not only wasn’t important to me, but kept me from giving my best to the people and causes that were dearest to my heart. To help keep me living intentionally and deliberately in the direction of my ideal life, I created a system I want to share with you called “The Big 3.” This tool guides you when tempted to choose thoughts or actions that are incongruent with your heart’s deepest desires.
“The Big 3” are your top three priorities in life. By determining your top 3 priorities ahead of time it’ll be easier to avoid caving to pressure, melting in the heat of the moment or being swayed by guilt. Having already decided, you’ll be able to make an authentic choice that naturally supports your most valued relationships, satisfaction and joy.
Everyone’s list is different. You get to decide what “The Big 3” are for you. Mine are:
• Relationships (Me, kids, husband, friends, extended family, kindness to strangers)
• Learning/Growth/Knowledge
• Authentic Financial Abundance/Money
You’ll note “ME” is the first relationship I tend to. My relationship with myself determines the quality of all my other relationships. If I’m down, emotionally depleted or stressed, I’m not going to have my best to offer to the people I love who depend on me. Making yourself your top priority isn’t selfish…it’s selfish to withhold the best of your self from others because you’re unwilling to be kind to and care for yourself.
The distinction between selfish or self-absorbed behavior and self-care is selfishness only benefits you. On the other hand, self-care and kindness allow you to replenish your inner reserves so you have what you need to be of service in the ways that feel most meaningful to you. For example, if you go get a pedicure because you want people at the beach to think you’re cool or rich because your toes are pretty, that’s probably self-absorbed. If you go get a pedicure because the mental break and relaxation allows you to recharge your batteries, so you can help care for your children, growing business AND aging parents, that’s self-care. (Plus, it’s ok if just lifts your spirits to look your best.) Do you see the difference?
When I need to make a decision about how to allocate my time, energy and resources, I consult my Big 3 and make the choice that is most in harmony with these core values.
You can customize and tailor your “Big 3” according to your values and personality. For example, relationships have probably been my top priority my whole life, but since I’m a recovering Pleaseaholic, I could easily get in trouble if I just left “Relationships” as a broad term. Because in the past I was trying to please everyone all the time, I would have felt compelled to tend to relationships almost equally. A good relationship with my mailman was as important as the quality of my relationship with my mom.
If I weren’t specific, I could easily get pulled off track. Really taking time to ponder what relationships TRULY matter helped me break out of my old patterns of seeking approval from everyone. I set better boundaries and put my attention on the relationships that matter most. (I still make a conscious choice to extend kindness to strangers&hell ip;for me it’s an offering of gratitude. I hope to create a ripple effect. Pay it forward and all that stuff.
Do your actions match Your BIG 3? For example, I know tons of people who would list their children’s happiness and well being as their #1 priority. However, their actions demonstrate a clean house, their career or perfect image is higher priorities. This isn’t a judgment, but rather me holding you accountable to honestly assess the congruence of your words and actions. (You know what they say, speaks louder…) Of course I believe in balance between a thriving career, a healthy family and polished appearance too. However, look at what the net effect of your actions communicates. Either change your “Big 3” to match your actual actions, or consider you may need to change your actions.
What we put our attention on and keep track of grows. “The Big 3” helps maintain balance and deliberate living so your results are in line with your passions and priorities. That’s lots more satisfying and enjoyable!
YOUR ASSIGNMENT: Craft your Big 3! It’s easy to get distracted or slip into old habits. Having a screening process in place will help keep you focused AND keep your life on track with your priorities and true self. When you feel unsure about what to do, consult and act in accordance with your Big 3.
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