Your Big 3

Your Big 3
“Action expresses priorities.”-Mahatma Gandhi

With the fast pace of life, it’s easy to get distracted. However, there are only a limited number of things that actually matter. The rest is background noise that has the potential to pull you off track. Before you know it you end up in a situation that doesn’t match your core values or sucks your energy. Don’t get bogged down in the little distractions or mundane irritations. I want you to have a screening process in place to help keep you focused AND on track with your priorities and true self.

Back when I was a full blown Pleaseaholic, I found myself trying to keep everyone happy by spending time and energy on stuff that not only wasn’t important to me, but kept me from giving my best to the people and causes that were dearest to my heart. To help keep me living intentionally and deliberately in the direction of my ideal life, I created a system I want to share with you called “The Big 3.” This tool guides you when tempted to choose thoughts or actions that are incongruent with your heart’s deepest desires.

“The Big 3” are your top three priorities in life. By determining your top 3 priorities ahead of time it’ll be easier to avoid caving to pressure, melting in the heat of the moment or being swayed by guilt. Having already decided, you’ll be able to make an authentic choice that naturally supports your most valued relationships, satisfaction and joy.

Everyone’s list is different. You get to decide what “The Big 3” are for you. Mine are:
• Relationships (Me, kids, husband, friends, extended family, kindness to strangers)
• Learning/Growth/Knowledge
• Authentic Financial Abundance/Money

You’ll note “ME” is the first relationship I tend to. My relationship with myself determines the quality of all my other relationships. If I’m down, emotionally depleted or stressed, I’m not going to have my best to offer to the people I love who depend on me. Making yourself your top priority isn’t selfish…it’s selfish to withhold the best of your self from others because you’re unwilling to be kind to and care for yourself.

The distinction between selfish or self-absorbed behavior and self-care is selfishness only benefits you. On the other hand, self-care and kindness allow you to replenish your inner reserves so you have what you need to be of service in the ways that feel most meaningful to you. For example, if you go get a pedicure because you want people at the beach to think you’re cool or rich because your toes are pretty, that’s probably self-absorbed. If you go get a pedicure because the mental break and relaxation allows you to recharge your batteries, so you can help care for your children, growing business AND aging parents, that’s self-care. (Plus, it’s ok if just lifts your spirits to look your best.) Do you see the difference?

When I need to make a decision about how to allocate my time, energy and resources, I consult my Big 3 and make the choice that is most in harmony with these core values.
You can customize and tailor your “Big 3” according to your values and personality. For example, relationships have probably been my top priority my whole life, but since I’m a recovering Pleaseaholic, I could easily get in trouble if I just left “Relationships” as a broad term. Because in the past I was trying to please everyone all the time, I would have felt compelled to tend to relationships almost equally. A good relationship with my mailman was as important as the quality of my relationship with my mom.

If I weren’t specific, I could easily get pulled off track. Really taking time to ponder what relationships TRULY matter helped me break out of my old patterns of seeking approval from everyone. I set better boundaries and put my attention on the relationships that matter most. (I still make a conscious choice to extend kindness to strangers&hell ip;for me it’s an offering of gratitude. I hope to create a ripple effect. Pay it forward and all that stuff.

Do your actions match Your BIG 3? For example, I know tons of people who would list their children’s happiness and well being as their #1 priority. However, their actions demonstrate a clean house, their career or perfect image is higher priorities. This isn’t a judgment, but rather me holding you accountable to honestly assess the congruence of your words and actions. (You know what they say, speaks louder…) Of course I believe in balance between a thriving career, a healthy family and polished appearance too. However, look at what the net effect of your actions communicates. Either change your “Big 3” to match your actual actions, or consider you may need to change your actions.

What we put our attention on and keep track of grows. “The Big 3” helps maintain balance and deliberate living so your results are in line with your passions and priorities. That’s lots more satisfying and enjoyable!

YOUR ASSIGNMENT: Craft your Big 3! It’s easy to get distracted or slip into old habits. Having a screening process in place will help keep you focused AND keep your life on track with your priorities and true self. When you feel unsure about what to do, consult and act in accordance with your Big 3.