Are You A Scab Picker?

Bury The Hatchet, Not Pick The Scab

I came across this quote from my friend Joyce Singleton this week that really made me think.

"There's no point in burying a hatchet if you're going to put up a marker on the site."
Cartoonist, Sydney Harris

I thought this quote eloquently describes how people habitually continue to dig up and fixate on pain or injuries from the past. Even as time woks to heal our wounds, it's tempting to pick at the scab and prolong the time it takes to be whole again. We can lean on these past insults as reasons or excuses for staying stuck or not being successful. How often to you think or comment about regretable or painful things people have said or done to you? How is this holding you back from living your best life?

I've found the people want credit for their pain. This is understandable because when you've endured and survived something difficult life doesn't seem fair. Don't get me wrong. Your pain is real and valid. The point is that holding on to hurt feelings or bitterness only hurts you, not the person who offended you. Forgivness is they key to burying the hatchet and pulling up the marker so you don't keep going back to that spot to lament and complain.

Forgiveness is a tricky subject. We're trained to believe that forgiving someone is saying what they did is ok. In reality, forgiveness is disconnecting yourself from being tangled with that person and their snippy comments, bad attitude, negative energy and hurtful behavior. It's giving yourself permission to move forward in your own power and strength so you can shine YOUR unique light. What would be truly sad is for that other person to rob the world of all the good stuff you have to offer.

Forgiveness is also tricky when the person you need to forgive most is yourself. I bet you're really good at being hard on yourself. Maybe you blame yourself for something that isn't your fault at all. Perhaps you've made mistakes or regret some choices. Ask for forgiveness from those you've harmed, including yourself. To help shift your perspective remember the wise words of Maya Angelou: "You did what you knew how to do. When you know better, you do better." Because you're reading this, I KNOW you're on your way to knowing better and doing better. This journey of self exploration will be SO much easier and smoother when you forgive yourself and others.

Bury the hatchet once and for all and don't pick the scab. Forgive...Let Go...Move Forward...Shine!

Forgiveness: The Gift You Give Yourself

Forgiveness is a tricky word for people. We connect forgiveness with the idea that we’re saying “it’s ok.” You may resist the very idea of forgiving people who’ve offended you, both in big and small ways, because you don’t want to let them off the hook. The secret is that forgiving someone isn’t saying you absolve, condone or accept what they did as “ok.” Rather, forgiveness is about letting go of the pain their actions caused.

What’s the virtue of holding on to pain? We cling to pain as a reminder of what to avoid in the future. It starts out as protective armor. Over time, it’s just a heavy burden to bear. The pain is no longer serving its purpose. It’s time to let it go.

The other secret about forgiveness is not for them; it’s for you. You’re not doing a favor for the people who hurt you. Forgiveness is for you. You are the only one who’s paying the price for holding on to those negative thoughts and feelings. The person who hurt you doesn’t carry that burden…you do. Do you feel the weight of it on your shoulders? Can you feel the hole in your heart? The pit in your stomach? These can be healed. Forgiveness is a good first step.

Letting go of these old wounds and hurts is key to moving forward. You must release your grip on them to allow yourself a free hand to grab on to wonderful, uplifting thoughts, experiences and people. It may feel literally life threatening to consider forgiving people for their offenses. The more painful the injury, the more you’ll want to resist. Allow yourself to disconnect, so you’re no longer owned by pain and resentment. The person who hurt you doesn’t deserve to continue to be a part of your life in this way, or determine the quality of your life.

Maybe the person you need to forgive most is yourself. You’re so hard on yourself! Remember you’ve made the best decisions you could along the way. You did the best best you knew how to do. Share your good heart with yourself. Show yourself the same compassion you would another well intended person or small, frightened child. Make it up to yourself by doing better from here forward.

Consider this amazing quote from one of my life-long friends (I’m so lucky to have such wonderful friends in my life!):

“Life provides many opportunities to show compassion and forgiveness. I hope I am able to provide both and both can be provided to me.”-Debbie Hay

Forgive and show compassion for yourself. Live free of that heavy burden. Let go and move forward.