The People Pleaser Formula

THE PLEASEAHOLIC FORMULA: GH + KL + MB = PH Understanding how and why you became a Pleaseaholic will help you move forward. This month we’ll explore the perfect storm that converges to create a Pleaseaholic. Understanding this formula will open your eyes to what’s going on, so you can move forward. Today, let’s look at all the components it takes to grow a Pleaseaholic. Then each week of April we’ll dig deeper into each of the pieces of this puzzle to give you a clearer picture of what keeps you stuck. That way you can begin let it go and move forward more quickly. Here’s the Pleaseaholic Formula: GH + KL + MB = PH: Good Heart + Kid Logic + Mob Boss=Pleaseaholic

The Pleaseaholic Formula explains WHY we’re driven to People Pleasing. I want to be really clear about why we’re spending any time looking at the “Why.” Answering this question is ONLY important for one reason: I want you to have a better understanding of what enticed you into People Pleasing in the first place. That will make it easier to let yourself off the hook, rather than beat yourself up, when you end of being spread so thin. By understanding why you’ve chosen the path you’re on, you’ll be more able to forgive yourself (and others) and extend yourself kindness, compassion and empathy as you move forward. That way you can side step land mines rather than repeat old patterns. This will NOT be an exercise in blaming others or making excuses. If you’re waiting for whoever launched you onto your Pleaseaholic path to change or apologize so your life can improve, you’re going to waiting a very, very long time. No one deserves to have that kind of power over your life any more. I want you to choose your life deliberately rather than just floating along wherever the current takes you. It would be a disservice to allow or encourage you to make excuses. Blaming others keeps you from all the good stuff that’s available once you shift your mindset.

The Pleaseaholic Formula describes the perfect combination of factors needed to produce a Pleaseaholic. AKA why you’re a Pleaseaholic. The short answer to why you’re a People Pleaser is this: People Pleasing was the best solution you could come up with so far to manage your world. When we encounter a challenge or feel afraid the human brain seeks to solve the problem. Behaviors you use over and over exist because somehow these habits have worked well enough so far. You also stay stuck if you don’t know a better way exists or think taking a different path would be too difficult. There’s always a good reason you’ve chosen the behaviors, thoughts and feelings you’re employing currently…because they’ve worked well enough in the past to survive.

Now it’s time to THRIVE!

People Pleasing costs time, money and joy or causes stress and dysfunction. You’ve decided these consequences are either tolerable or preferable compared to what you fear would happen if you tried something different. You sacrifice your true self and morph into who and what others want you to be.

Even though this is an exorbitant price to pay, Pleaseaholics have been trained long ago that it is better to keep people happy than risk upsetting the apple cart. The fear of what might happen if people around you are upset, trumps the pain of contorting yourself to comply with the needs of others.

The most important thing to remember is you had an infinite number of choices for how to manage the stressors of your life and you chose cooperation on steroids. That says a lots about the wonderful person you are at your core. If that inner critic starts to chirp at you, remember the kindness that fuels your good heart. It takes strength to be as flexible and accommodating as you’ve been. With such a good heart and amazing strength, you can achieve anything!