Got Inner Critic?

Our family spent this past weekend at our son’s basketball tournament. Witnessing and being involved with our kids’ activities is one of my favorite ways to spend time. It’s such a joy to watch them grow and develop as people as they stretch themselves to try new and bigger things. They inspire me to keep pushing myself too!

I’m routinely impressed with what great basketball players 11 year olds can be! It’s so much fun to see the kids learning the life-long lessons of character and confidence that playing sports brings. Our team played so well together, that they earned their way to the championship game. With 5 seconds to go in the championship our team was up 2 points. With an unbelievable shot, the other team hit a 3-point basket at the buzzer to win by one. The kids were devastated! (as were the coaches and more than a few parents) They’d worked so hard and were seconds from victory only to have it dissolve in front of their eyes.

Our coaches teach the boys to show grace and sportsmanship in both victory and defeat, so the boys demonstrated great poise in the face of their disappointment. I was so inspired by the resilience and strength of character they mustered even though their view was blurred by tears. They are great examples of how to handle challenges life throws our way.

I was so impressed with how well the kids managed their heartbreak…at least on the outside. I couldn’t help but wonder what they were each thinking on the inside. It reminded me of my favorite definition of self-esteem: “Self esteem is what you say to yourself with things aren’t going well.”

What do you say to yourself when things aren’t going well?

The answer to this question reflects your self worth and beliefs about what’s possible in your life. If your self image whispers, “You don’t deserve it.” or “You can’t do it.” it’ll overpower your strongest desires to achieve your goals and dreams. Even if you want something desperately, you will struggle to make it happen as long as your self-esteem has its foot on the brake.

The thoughts that enter your mind when the chips are down are a voice-over loop of messages you’ve received throughout your life. If you’re hard on yourself or put yourself down when challenges arise it’s because that’s what you’ve been taught to do. This tape may have been playing in your head for so long you might not even realize it’s not supposed to be there. You might think that’s just how everyone thinks. Would it surprise you to know you can erase and re-record something different? It’s time to record a new message and stop being so hard on yourself so you can boost your enthusiasm and ability to attract all you desire.

You must learn to be more kind to yourself. Yet, I know, this is easier said than done. I want to give you the tools you need to overcome obstacles along your path. Here’s the step-by-step process you can use time and again to shift to a kinder, gentler mindset when things aren’t going the way you’d like.
1. Notice when your voice over is sending negative messages.
2. Interrupt these thoughts in their tracks – say stop.
3. Replace them with positive messages.
4. If the messages continue to punish or battle with you, consider what purpose this pain can serve. Is there a lesson here that could help you grow? Can you use this struggle to inspire others?

Repeat this process any time you find your inner critic nagging at you throughout your day.
Coming up with new, positive messages can be difficult if criticism comes more naturally. Try these tips to create affirmations

· State the opposite of what your inner critic or fear-based thought is trying to say (I deserve to be treated with respect.)
· Base it on your strengths (I have a good heart.)
· Lend yourself the same compassion you’d offer a small, scared child who’s upset and crying. (It’s going to be ok. I’m sorry it’s so hard today.)
· Force yourself to come up with exceptions to the negative label your inner critic is trying to convince you of (It’s ok to ask for what I want. Asking for what I want doesn’t make me selfish. I’m generous and kind. Like the time I volunteered to …)
· What would your biggest fan, soul mate or higher power say they appreciate about you? (You have so many special gifts. For example, you were born to teach.)
· Underneath, what do you sense is your purpose? How can you connect this challenge to the values that matter to you most? (I feel broken, like damaged goods because I was abused as a kid. I can’t accept I am special and wonderful yet. If I could bring some good from my pain it might help. Maybe I can volunteer at or fundraise for a foundation that helps abused kids.)

Give yourself credit for the pain you’ve experienced in the past. I’m grateful that you developed ways to cope so you could arrive here at this point in your life. Use your own inner strength to keep moving forward. You’re stonger and more wonderful than you give yourself credit for. Yet those old coping mechanisms are no longer serving you well. It’s time to let them go and allow for an image of yourself that reflects your divine gifts and purpose. It’s time to remember who you were born to be.

You deserve to be treated with kindness and dignity. If you wince at the thought of this idea, that’s a signal that your self esteem has taken a beating. Trust that I believe in your intrinsic value and worth enough for the both of us, until you come to know it for yourself.

Who's Your BFF?

I’m still grinning when I think about the wonderful memories created last weekend at Success Unplugged. There’s nothing like being surrounded by that much girl power!

I had the great privilege, not only to speak at this awesome event, but also to attend with my very best friends in the world. It was a true joy to share the day with these wonderful women. It reminded me how very blessed I am to be surrounded by friends who encourage, support and believe in me. These amazing women are an ever-present source of inspiration and love. I felt so happy and grateful to spend the in their presence. Because there is a limitless supply of awesome in the universe, I also had the very good fortune to meet some wonderful new women too, with the promise of future friendships in the making.

Are your friends supportive or toxic? Are you a good friend to yourself?

I was at a women’s business association meeting recently where the guest speaker was a former local news anchor, Margo Meyers. She talked about the important role friendships between women play in a woman’s well being. A recent study indicates that women who have good friendships with other women are happier, less stressed and actually even live longer! What an eye opener!

What’s your support network like? Do you have friends you can lean on? Share joys and sorrows with? Are your friendships supportive, loving and compassionate or toxic, discouraging and imbalanced? If you’re blessed to have great friends, add that to your list of things to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. If not, add “BFF” to your Christmas wish list. Merely acknowledging your desire for divine friendships begins the flow of new, healthier relationships in your direction. Keep your eyes open for the wonderful women who are all around you and begin to cultivate strong, healthy friendships.

The one person you can always count on to be there is YOU! Are you a good friend to yourself? Do you show yourself respect and kindness? I adore the unique blend of traits that makes you a one of a kind work of art. Ironically these same traits are often the things people are most critical of themselves about. It breaks my heart to watch someone put themselves down, or ruthlessly critique their every action or appearance.

Many people treat themselves much more harshly than they would ever consider handling a friend. To align your thoughts with a more positive view of yourself and quiet those critical thoughts, speak to yourself as you would a new friend…someone you’re making a point to connect with. You’ll start attracting inspiring friendships into your life by being a good friend to yourself. Set the example for how you want others to treat you by treating yourself with love, respect and compassion. Offer yourself more loving sentiments so you get to know the wonderful person you actually are. That way you can begin to create deep, loyal, respectful, loving friendships you’ll tresure for a life time.

If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Produtive. Also available online: The Better Boundaries, Better Life Coaching programs and Better Boundaries, Better Life Home Study System and Marketing & Mindset Money Magent Home Sutdy System at www.pleaseaholics.com.