Stop Yelling at Your Kids Without Losing Your Mind

Sometimes a whisper is louder than a shout.

Here are two super easy alternatives to yelling at your kids.

SING!
As anger and frustration build, you can feel the yelling ready to fly out of your mouth. And let’s be honest...sometimes yelling just feels like such a satisfying way to let the cork off the pressure cooker. Afterward, however, you regret the things you said in anger. It’s very easy for yelling to get out of hand, even escalating to verbal or emotional abuse. No parent wants to be the reason their child feels hurt or unloveable.

A great way to open the release valve on your stress level without scarring your kids is to sing. SING LOUD! It doesn’t matter if you are tone deaf. The lyrics don’t need to rhyme, or even make sense. All you have to do is put your words to music, with a little spunk and drama added for good measure. (My favorite style is Opera. It sounds terrible, which makes kids laugh. This tends to make them more cooperative. Plus it’s hard to be too mean when acting so foolish.)
A bold, crescendoing “Let’s clean up the toys!”allows you to be as loud as you would be if your were yelling, but keep the anger and intimidation out of it so you’re not damaging your kids.
Playfulness illicits their cooperation. Ask them to sing with your or add lines to the song while they’re doing what you asked.

Whisper
When you find yourself on the verge of freaking out, you can get your point across just as, if not more, effectively by whispering versus shouting. Whispering has an intensity because the listener has to pay close attention in order to hear; however, much of the anger in your voice is masked by the low volume. If you don’t think you can control your facial expression or other non verbal language, take a deep breath and let it out. Then approach your child from behind. With your hands on their shoulders or by wrapping them up in a hug, close your eyes, then whisper your message in their ear. Make sure to close your eyes!!! It’ll help keep you calmer as you speak.

There’s also an intrigue in whispering. If you’re contained enough to keep your frustration out of your voice and gestures, approach them quietly. Beckon them to “come here” with arched eye brows and wide eyes, like you have an exciting secret . If you have more than one kid, have them huddle around like you’re going to share an interesting mystery. The curiousity built by your approach will assure you have their full attention. They’ll be engaged and ready to hear what you have to say. Then whisper your directives to them. (If they’re little make a game out of staying quiet while they complete the task.)

Even if your irritation pushes your voice to a loud, harsh whisper, the intensity will convey your seriousness about your message without going into a rage. It may be even more intense than shouting in some ways. Yet, it’s less traumatic that being shrieked at. Whispering can be a way to break up old habits. Yelling can become such a staple in many families that kids just learn to tune it out. Whispering demonstrates that you’re in control and deliberately managing your stress and anger which lends credibility rather than they just growing accustomed to riding out the storms. Shaking up your routine can help get your message across more effectively.

Assignment: Next time you have an occasion to loose your temper, and yell, choose to SING or WHISPER instead. Not how differently your family reacts. Notice what it was like for you not to yell. Did any reactions surprise you? Journal or track for a month and see what results your see over time.