In the spirit of Martin Luther King Day, take a cue from Dr. King. He spelled out and manifested his dream. What’s your dream today? Speak it, visualize it and believe it and it will come true too.
In the meantime, I want to help you have sweeter dreams. Over the weekend our son, Jaxon’s, friend stayed the night. I’m a more the merrier kind of person, so of course we included him in our bedtime ritual. When I was sharing excerpts of the great conversation that emerged from our ritual with the friend’s dad, he was intrigued with our nightly practice. We’ve been tucking our kids in bed this way for so long, I don’t really think of it as novel, but his fascination made me want to share it with you.
Since our oldest child, Rachel, was little we’ve wrapped up the day with the same bedtime ritual. The ritual has evolved over time as the kids have grown, but essentially it consists of 4 questions. The questions beckon us to take a moment to reflect on the day. The questions hold a dual purpose. First, they build a habit of gratitude and insightfulness. They also offer an opportunity to keep our inner filter as clean and clear as possible.
The 4 questions that comprise our bedtime ritual are:
1. What was your favorite thing about today?
2. Was there anything you wish was different?
3. What did you learn today?
4. What did you do or notice that was kind or made you proud?
The first question creates a gratitude practice. I wanted our children to grow up aware of all the blessings for which they can be thankful. Even the worst day has a silver lining. Putting attention on the sweet spots builds an attitude of optimism, gratitude and joy.
Question two builds a habit of letting go of irritations, insults, hurt and pain on a daily basis. It’s how we keep our inner filter clear so gunk doesn’t build up over time. Processing life’s disappointments and regret in smaller pieces offloads pain while it’s still manageable and innocuous. This was especially helpful when the kids were young. There are so many bumps and bruises in a child’s day. Knowing they have a safe place to unload those burdens keeps their spirits free and deepens our relationship at the same time. It works for adults too.
We added the third question, “What did you learn today” as the kids grew older. Every day holds a lesson. Especially the hard days. When we find the lesson, we avoid repeating ineffective actions and find solutions more quickly. I want to arm our kids with the ability to learn what the day’s experiences have to teach so they live a rich and deliberate life. Further, I feel it’s important they are raised with a healthy sense of curiosity, wonder and love of learning.
The fourth and final question is designed to keep them alert throughout the day for opportunities to show kindness to others, or notice ways people extend kindness to them. Random acts of kindness create ripple effects of happiness. Setting an expectation that they seek out ways to spread joy builds a charitable mindset, but also reminds them of how fortunate they are. We added the piece about feeling proud because they beamed with pride as they described the acts of kindness they offered or witnessed. Allowing them to recount experiences that made them feel proud builds their self-esteem from the inside out.
Beyond the lesson and habits we’re hoping to build with our bedtime ritual, something even more special emerges. The four questions give birth to the best conversations. We learn more about each other lend support when needed and celebrate successes too. The result is deep, abiding relationships that are my most prized treasures.
Adopt this bedtime ritual for yourself. You can process your day alone or with people you love. Debriefing your day will allow you to develop a gratitude practice, definitely a hallmark of happy people. Processing challenges daily in small pieces will keep gunk from piling up and your filter free of debris. Finding lessons and opportunities to show kindness along the way shifts your mindset so you see the glass as half full. I hope you’ll begin to notice all the things you have to be proud of. Who knows…maybe you’ll find yourself engrossed in some great chats and beautiful relationships too. Let me know how it goes!
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Produtive. Also available online: The Better Boundaries, Better Life Coaching programs and Better Boundaries, Better Life Home Study System and Marketing & Mindset Money Magnet Home Study System at www.pleaseaholics.com.
No comments:
Post a Comment