Flattery (And A Thank You) Will Get You Everywhere

It’s often helpful to be able to learn quickly what type of personality you’re dealing with. Non-verbal language gives away a lot of information if you know what to look for. This week’s article gives you a quick trick to determine if you’re dealing with a passive, assertive or aggressive person without having to look closely for subtle cues. It’s not always easy to get a person to show their true colors in the course of typical conversation. Certainly, it’s difficult to determine their style quickly.

The secret to learning who they really are is to give a compliment. A person’s response to a flattering remark lets you peek behind the curtain every time.

Aggressive Types: When given a compliment an aggressive person will agree or elaborate on your comments.
Passive Types: When given a compliment a passive person will refute or down play the praise.
Assertive Types: When given a compliment an assertive person will simply say “Thank you.”

The great thing about this technique is it’s always appropriate to offer a compliment or flattery. In this way, you can join with a new acquaintance and still gain important information that will assist you in knowing what to expect from a person right away. Whether you’ve just met, or you’ve known a person for a while and just can’t quite get a read on them, this strategy is effective.

The compliment response technique also works in reverse. Pay attention to your response to a compliment. What does your reaction say about you? If you want to adopt a more assertive approach, make sure you respond to every compliment with a simple “Thank You.” Not only will people perceive you as more confident (even if you’re not quite feel it), but you’ll also begin to show more assertiveness in other areas of your life.

A simple “Thank You” goes a long way to getting rid of the disease to please. Give it a try!

Forgiveness: The Gift You Give Yourself

Forgiveness is a tricky word for people. We connect forgiveness with the idea that we’re saying “it’s ok.” You may resist the very idea of forgiving people who’ve offended you, both in big and small ways, because you don’t want to let them off the hook. The secret is that forgiving someone isn’t saying you absolve, condone or accept what they did as “ok.” Rather, forgiveness is about letting go of the pain their actions caused.

What’s the virtue of holding on to pain? We cling to pain as a reminder of what to avoid in the future. It starts out as protective armor. Over time, it’s just a heavy burden to bear. The pain is no longer serving its purpose. It’s time to let it go.

The other secret about forgiveness is not for them; it’s for you. You’re not doing a favor for the people who hurt you. Forgiveness is for you. You are the only one who’s paying the price for holding on to those negative thoughts and feelings. The person who hurt you doesn’t carry that burden…you do. Do you feel the weight of it on your shoulders? Can you feel the hole in your heart? The pit in your stomach? These can be healed. Forgiveness is a good first step.

Letting go of these old wounds and hurts is key to moving forward. You must release your grip on them to allow yourself a free hand to grab on to wonderful, uplifting thoughts, experiences and people. It may feel literally life threatening to consider forgiving people for their offenses. The more painful the injury, the more you’ll want to resist. Allow yourself to disconnect, so you’re no longer owned by pain and resentment. The person who hurt you doesn’t deserve to continue to be a part of your life in this way, or determine the quality of your life.

Maybe the person you need to forgive most is yourself. You’re so hard on yourself! Remember you’ve made the best decisions you could along the way. You did the best best you knew how to do. Share your good heart with yourself. Show yourself the same compassion you would another well intended person or small, frightened child. Make it up to yourself by doing better from here forward.

Consider this amazing quote from one of my life-long friends (I’m so lucky to have such wonderful friends in my life!):

“Life provides many opportunities to show compassion and forgiveness. I hope I am able to provide both and both can be provided to me.”-Debbie Hay

Forgive and show compassion for yourself. Live free of that heavy burden. Let go and move forward.