Hitting a baseball is one of the most difficult things to do. Making solid contact between 2 round surfaces is a feat of physics and precision. The best baseball players in the world aspire to successfully accomplish this task and are considered outstanding if they achieve a .333 batting average. That means getting a hit only 1/3 of the time. Yet even thse world-class athletes get in a slump from time to time, seemingly unable to get a hit despite considerable talent and effort.
The same is true of Little League baseball players. Kids strugggle from time to time with a batting slump. They slip into a rough patch when they just can't seems to get a hit. This, of course easy to get down on themselves and more anxious at the plate. Becasue they fear they'll strick out, they won't swing the bat at all, even when a good pitch is delivered. Their worry and fear perpetuate the slump. The same it true when we get in a slump or stuck in a rut in life.
I heard my husband, Cliff, say some profound wisdom at our son's baseball game this week that got me thinking how the rules that assist baseball players to rise out of a slump are also great tools for getting unstuck in life. Cliff, coaches our son Jaxon's baseball team. The same things that make him an outstanding parent make him an ideal coach, even from my biased perspective. He's encouraging but firm; fun yet sets high expectations. Something he said to one of his players this week jumped out at me as a great philosophy for life: "Good things happen when you swing the bat." It's easy when we get in a slump to want to throw in the towel or go into hiding. Just as in baseball, good things happen when you're willing to get back in the game and keep swinging the bat.
While a slump in baseball means not making good contact with the ball, a slump in everyday life happens when you just can't seem to make contact with your dreams or goals. Maybe you're feeling down, can't land a job, repeat dysfunctional patterns in a series of failed relationships or are putting off a difficult decision. When you find yourself in a slump, get back on track by following these 5 steps of tried and true baseball wisdom. They'll help you get back into the swing of things.
1. Step Up To The Plate - To get out of a slump you have to at least be willing to get back out there and try again. Step up to the plate so you're in the game. You can't win if you don't play.
2. Keep Your Eye On The Ball - Stay focused on what you want to connect with. Good batters keep their eyes focused on watching the ball all the way, even as it hits the bat. It's more difficult to make good contact with something if you're not giving it your full attention or get distracted. Stay focused on what you really want the most.
3. Don't Swing At Sucker Pitches - Avoid falling into old patterns that keep you stuck. Repeating what hasn't worked in the past is swinging at a sucker pitch. Rather than falling into old patterns, do just ONE thing differently. It could be the difference that makes the difference.
4. Don't Force It - When you're in a slump, it's easy to get worried and anxious, comtemplating the worst case scenario. You psych yourself out by putting too much pressure on yourself or forcing something to happen too fast. Instead, let it go and allow. Try meditation, exercise or relaxation to get out of the stress zone. Allow your natural gifts and talents to flourish.
5. Good Things Happen When You Swing The Bat - We know for sure you can't get a hit it the bat stays resting comfortably on your shoulder. You may have to push yourself out of your comfort zone. You may even strick out a couple times. However, if you keep swinging, good things will start to happen.
Good things happen when you swing the bat. Swing for the fences!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
Honor Your No's
Honor Your No's
“Saying No is the first way a child asserts himself or herself as an individual. It’s the first way a child feels powerful.”-Judy Ford from Wonderful Ways to Love a Child
If you grew up receiving messages that saying No was not allowed or safe, your sense of individuality and power was taken. It’s no wonder it sometimes feels so scary to say no and set boundaries!
What’s your history with no? Were your No’s honored? Think back. How did you learn the rules about saying no?
Consider the following questions. Reflect on the ones that relate to the experiences that influenced your comfort with saying no.
• When you were growing up, what examples did you see when it came to saying no?
• What were your experiences surrounding setting boundaries with people of the opposite sex?
• Were your role models listened to and respected when they set boundaries?
• Were there spoken or unspoken rules in your home growing up about allowing children to say no?
• Were you raised to speak your mind or keep your opinions to yourself?
• Were you told to speak your mind and then punished or ignored when you did?
• Were you given the latitude to make your own decisions, without guilt trips?
• What was your experience with you adolescent peer group? Did you feel you had to go along with the group against your better judgment to be accepted?
• When you spoke your mind, or said no as a kid, what happened?
• Were you labeled “too emotional” or “high strung” when you expressed your feelings?
• Did you grow up in a no-conflict home where everyone is expected to “go along to get along?”
• Growing up, was your value and/or role in your family based on protecting or caring for others or making people happy?
• Do you feel like a priority or an after thought?
• Were you compelled to take on a parental role as a child or referee your parent’s relationship?
• Were you a victim of abuse–emotional, mental, sexual or physical?
• Did you have to chase approval and love from one or both of your parents?
• Was it tense or unsafe in your home, like everyone had to walk on eggshells to avoid a volatile family member?
• Did guilt or fear of disappointing people determine your choices growing up?
The answers to some of these questions may require you to recall unpleasant or painful memories. I know it can be hard. Take a deep breath. You may have pushed some of these experiences to the back of your mind for years, or never talked about them at all. When the pain bubbles up, it’ll feel natural to shove it back down. Do something different this time. Unburden yourself from the load you’re carrying.
• Your feelings are valid. Allow them without judgment.
• Extend yourself patience, compassion and kindness.
• Grieve
• Empathize with the little child who didn’t get what he or she needed from the people that were supposed to take care.
• Get support from people who love you, or a trusted advisor.
Can you see how old messages and tapes in your head have contributed to difficulties you experience when setting boundaries in general and saying no specifically? Give yourself credit. You’ve been working really hard for a long time. Begin to let go of the old rules and beliefs that have been holding you back from stepping into the fullness of your potential.
You’ve been so strong and brave, even though the pain may make you feel weaker. I’m so proud of you. You clearly have what it takes to survive, even thrive. What strengths do you possess that have made that possible?
You can be so proud of yourself! Your No’s deserve to be heard and honored. Begin honoring your No’s today!
“Saying No is the first way a child asserts himself or herself as an individual. It’s the first way a child feels powerful.”-Judy Ford from Wonderful Ways to Love a Child
If you grew up receiving messages that saying No was not allowed or safe, your sense of individuality and power was taken. It’s no wonder it sometimes feels so scary to say no and set boundaries!
What’s your history with no? Were your No’s honored? Think back. How did you learn the rules about saying no?
Consider the following questions. Reflect on the ones that relate to the experiences that influenced your comfort with saying no.
• When you were growing up, what examples did you see when it came to saying no?
• What were your experiences surrounding setting boundaries with people of the opposite sex?
• Were your role models listened to and respected when they set boundaries?
• Were there spoken or unspoken rules in your home growing up about allowing children to say no?
• Were you raised to speak your mind or keep your opinions to yourself?
• Were you told to speak your mind and then punished or ignored when you did?
• Were you given the latitude to make your own decisions, without guilt trips?
• What was your experience with you adolescent peer group? Did you feel you had to go along with the group against your better judgment to be accepted?
• When you spoke your mind, or said no as a kid, what happened?
• Were you labeled “too emotional” or “high strung” when you expressed your feelings?
• Did you grow up in a no-conflict home where everyone is expected to “go along to get along?”
• Growing up, was your value and/or role in your family based on protecting or caring for others or making people happy?
• Do you feel like a priority or an after thought?
• Were you compelled to take on a parental role as a child or referee your parent’s relationship?
• Were you a victim of abuse–emotional, mental, sexual or physical?
• Did you have to chase approval and love from one or both of your parents?
• Was it tense or unsafe in your home, like everyone had to walk on eggshells to avoid a volatile family member?
• Did guilt or fear of disappointing people determine your choices growing up?
The answers to some of these questions may require you to recall unpleasant or painful memories. I know it can be hard. Take a deep breath. You may have pushed some of these experiences to the back of your mind for years, or never talked about them at all. When the pain bubbles up, it’ll feel natural to shove it back down. Do something different this time. Unburden yourself from the load you’re carrying.
• Your feelings are valid. Allow them without judgment.
• Extend yourself patience, compassion and kindness.
• Grieve
• Empathize with the little child who didn’t get what he or she needed from the people that were supposed to take care.
• Get support from people who love you, or a trusted advisor.
Can you see how old messages and tapes in your head have contributed to difficulties you experience when setting boundaries in general and saying no specifically? Give yourself credit. You’ve been working really hard for a long time. Begin to let go of the old rules and beliefs that have been holding you back from stepping into the fullness of your potential.
You’ve been so strong and brave, even though the pain may make you feel weaker. I’m so proud of you. You clearly have what it takes to survive, even thrive. What strengths do you possess that have made that possible?
You can be so proud of yourself! Your No’s deserve to be heard and honored. Begin honoring your No’s today!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)