Since hearing of my dear friend’s sudden passing a couple weeks ago, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what he might have done differently in the last weeks, months and years if he knew how little time he had left. It’s such a reminder to live each moment to its fullest, choose to let go of regret and with and shower the people you love with love while you still have the time.
If you knew you only had 1 year to live what would you be doing differently?
Are there changes you want to make but keep putting off? You’re not alone! Most people flirt with the idea of doing things differently but fears and doubts hold them back. Are you ever plagued with thoughts about “what people would think” or “it probably won’t work out” or “it’ll cause too much drama.”
Life may have given you plenty of good reasons for holding these beliefs and fears. Yet, if you don’t do anything differently, you’ll be in the same place tomorrow, next week and next year.
Often if people wait for a frightening accident or life-threatening diagnosis to give themselves permission to live more boldly and honor their true voice. Why wait?
If you knew your days were numbered would you to-do list suddenly look much different? Would your actions better reflect your true priorities? Would you spend time with the same people? Would you be more daring? Would you take a leap of faith?
Maybe hug a little more. Nap a little more. Stress a little less.
What things would you not want to leave unsaid or undone? Would you plan an amazing vacation? Would you slow down and notice the natural beauty of nature and good people? Would you care a little less about what people think? What talents or creative interests have you let fall by the way side would you rekindle? Would you let the little things and small minded people matter a little less? Would you say I love you more? Who would you forgive? Who would you stand up to? Be a little more outspoken? Adventuresome? Kind? Fearless? What’s your secret burning desire? Go for it!
If you’d feel justified to make changes if you knew your days were numbered, you already have what it takes to start heading in that direction now. Don’t wait for the Universe to hit you with a 2 x 4. Start today to live each moment to the fullest so no matter how many more days you have left you’ll have no regrets and true bliss along the journey. Begin to live true to yourself rather than other people’s ideas of who and what you should be.
No matter what all our days are numbered, so make the most of each and every one.
To keep fear from stalling you, start small. This weekend, make a point to tell the people you love not only that you love them but why. Then make a list of the top 5 things you’d do in the next year if you knew it was your last. Email me your list! I’d love to see what’s on it! Then take another small step in the direction of living your best life.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Are You A Scab Picker?
Bury The Hatchet, Not Pick The Scab
I came across this quote from my friend Joyce Singleton this week that really made me think.
"There's no point in burying a hatchet if you're going to put up a marker on the site."
Cartoonist, Sydney Harris
I thought this quote eloquently describes how people habitually continue to dig up and fixate on pain or injuries from the past. Even as time woks to heal our wounds, it's tempting to pick at the scab and prolong the time it takes to be whole again. We can lean on these past insults as reasons or excuses for staying stuck or not being successful. How often to you think or comment about regretable or painful things people have said or done to you? How is this holding you back from living your best life?
I've found the people want credit for their pain. This is understandable because when you've endured and survived something difficult life doesn't seem fair. Don't get me wrong. Your pain is real and valid. The point is that holding on to hurt feelings or bitterness only hurts you, not the person who offended you. Forgivness is they key to burying the hatchet and pulling up the marker so you don't keep going back to that spot to lament and complain.
Forgiveness is a tricky subject. We're trained to believe that forgiving someone is saying what they did is ok. In reality, forgiveness is disconnecting yourself from being tangled with that person and their snippy comments, bad attitude, negative energy and hurtful behavior. It's giving yourself permission to move forward in your own power and strength so you can shine YOUR unique light. What would be truly sad is for that other person to rob the world of all the good stuff you have to offer.
Forgiveness is also tricky when the person you need to forgive most is yourself. I bet you're really good at being hard on yourself. Maybe you blame yourself for something that isn't your fault at all. Perhaps you've made mistakes or regret some choices. Ask for forgiveness from those you've harmed, including yourself. To help shift your perspective remember the wise words of Maya Angelou: "You did what you knew how to do. When you know better, you do better." Because you're reading this, I KNOW you're on your way to knowing better and doing better. This journey of self exploration will be SO much easier and smoother when you forgive yourself and others.
Bury the hatchet once and for all and don't pick the scab. Forgive...Let Go...Move Forward...Shine!
I came across this quote from my friend Joyce Singleton this week that really made me think.
"There's no point in burying a hatchet if you're going to put up a marker on the site."
Cartoonist, Sydney Harris
I thought this quote eloquently describes how people habitually continue to dig up and fixate on pain or injuries from the past. Even as time woks to heal our wounds, it's tempting to pick at the scab and prolong the time it takes to be whole again. We can lean on these past insults as reasons or excuses for staying stuck or not being successful. How often to you think or comment about regretable or painful things people have said or done to you? How is this holding you back from living your best life?
I've found the people want credit for their pain. This is understandable because when you've endured and survived something difficult life doesn't seem fair. Don't get me wrong. Your pain is real and valid. The point is that holding on to hurt feelings or bitterness only hurts you, not the person who offended you. Forgivness is they key to burying the hatchet and pulling up the marker so you don't keep going back to that spot to lament and complain.
Forgiveness is a tricky subject. We're trained to believe that forgiving someone is saying what they did is ok. In reality, forgiveness is disconnecting yourself from being tangled with that person and their snippy comments, bad attitude, negative energy and hurtful behavior. It's giving yourself permission to move forward in your own power and strength so you can shine YOUR unique light. What would be truly sad is for that other person to rob the world of all the good stuff you have to offer.
Forgiveness is also tricky when the person you need to forgive most is yourself. I bet you're really good at being hard on yourself. Maybe you blame yourself for something that isn't your fault at all. Perhaps you've made mistakes or regret some choices. Ask for forgiveness from those you've harmed, including yourself. To help shift your perspective remember the wise words of Maya Angelou: "You did what you knew how to do. When you know better, you do better." Because you're reading this, I KNOW you're on your way to knowing better and doing better. This journey of self exploration will be SO much easier and smoother when you forgive yourself and others.
Bury the hatchet once and for all and don't pick the scab. Forgive...Let Go...Move Forward...Shine!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
When a Whisper is Louder than a Shout
This continues our series about how to say no and set better boundaries with kids, without stress and anger. I like to view kids as capable and cooperative. Parenting is the process of solving the puzzle of how to bring out the best in already good little people. I found parenting more fun with this approach (vs. punishment, power and control) and along the way happened upon some tricks that seemed to be easier and more effective. Win-Win!
The first super easy way to keep from yelling at your kids was singing. Here is the second...Whisper!
When you find yourself on the verge of freaking out, you can get your point across just as, if not more, effectively by whispering versus shouting. Whispering has intensity because the listener has to pay close attention in order to hear; however, the low volume masks much of the anger in your voice. If you don’t think you can control your facial expression or other non-verbal language, take a deep breath and let it out. Then approach your child from behind. With your hands on their shoulders or by wrapping them up in a hug, close your eyes, and then whisper your message in their ear. Make sure to close your eyes!!! It’ll help keep you calmer as you speak.
There’s also an intrigue in whispering. If you’re contained enough to keep your frustration out of your voice and gestures, approach them quietly. Beckon them to “come here” with arched eyebrows and wide eyes, like you have an exciting secret. If you have more than one child, have them huddle around like you’re going to share an interesting mystery. The curiosity built by your approach will assure you have their full attention. They’ll be engaged and ready to hear what you have to say. Then whisper your directives to them. (If they’re little make a game out of staying quiet while they complete the task.)
Even if your irritation pushes your voice to a loud, harsh whisper, the intensity will convey your seriousness about your message without going into a rage. It may be even more intense than shouting in some ways. Yet, it’s less traumatic than being shrieked at.
Whispering can be a way to break up old habits. Yelling can become such a staple in many families that kids just learn to tune it out. Whispering demonstrates that you’re in control and deliberately managing your stress and anger, which lends credibility rather than they just growing accustomed to riding out the storms. Shaking up your routine can help get your message across more effectively.
Next time you have an occasion to loose your temper, and yell, choose to SING or WHISPER instead. Note how differently your family reacts. Notice what it was like for you not to yell.
These stressful times will pass. The question is how will you look back on how you handled it? You want to be a source of love and comfort for your children. Be the best parent you can be by getting the support you need so you can be there for your children when they need you the most. Use these tools so you can look back on the way you handled this difficult, demanding chapter of your life without regret.
If you’d like more tools for how to create Better Boundaries and a Better Life, visit my website at www.pleaseaholics.com or contact me at stephanie@pleaseholics.com.
The first super easy way to keep from yelling at your kids was singing. Here is the second...Whisper!
When you find yourself on the verge of freaking out, you can get your point across just as, if not more, effectively by whispering versus shouting. Whispering has intensity because the listener has to pay close attention in order to hear; however, the low volume masks much of the anger in your voice. If you don’t think you can control your facial expression or other non-verbal language, take a deep breath and let it out. Then approach your child from behind. With your hands on their shoulders or by wrapping them up in a hug, close your eyes, and then whisper your message in their ear. Make sure to close your eyes!!! It’ll help keep you calmer as you speak.
There’s also an intrigue in whispering. If you’re contained enough to keep your frustration out of your voice and gestures, approach them quietly. Beckon them to “come here” with arched eyebrows and wide eyes, like you have an exciting secret. If you have more than one child, have them huddle around like you’re going to share an interesting mystery. The curiosity built by your approach will assure you have their full attention. They’ll be engaged and ready to hear what you have to say. Then whisper your directives to them. (If they’re little make a game out of staying quiet while they complete the task.)
Even if your irritation pushes your voice to a loud, harsh whisper, the intensity will convey your seriousness about your message without going into a rage. It may be even more intense than shouting in some ways. Yet, it’s less traumatic than being shrieked at.
Whispering can be a way to break up old habits. Yelling can become such a staple in many families that kids just learn to tune it out. Whispering demonstrates that you’re in control and deliberately managing your stress and anger, which lends credibility rather than they just growing accustomed to riding out the storms. Shaking up your routine can help get your message across more effectively.
Next time you have an occasion to loose your temper, and yell, choose to SING or WHISPER instead. Note how differently your family reacts. Notice what it was like for you not to yell.
These stressful times will pass. The question is how will you look back on how you handled it? You want to be a source of love and comfort for your children. Be the best parent you can be by getting the support you need so you can be there for your children when they need you the most. Use these tools so you can look back on the way you handled this difficult, demanding chapter of your life without regret.
If you’d like more tools for how to create Better Boundaries and a Better Life, visit my website at www.pleaseaholics.com or contact me at stephanie@pleaseholics.com.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Sing Your Way To Better Parenting, Better Life
As I was crafting this week’s article, I was reminded me of a comment I heard author Toni Morrison say during an interview with Oprah. She pointed out the impact of what a child sees on their parents face when they approach them. Very often, the parent is scanning the kiddo for cleanliness, matching clothes or is distracted all together. She made a rule to always smile and make eye contact when her children approach.
I really loved this concept and decided to follow Ms. Morrison’s lead. A child’s value is reflected to them in their parents’ eyes. I now make it a habit to smile and show our kids how genuinely happy I am to see them. It helps me be more present and a better listener and overtly demonstrates that I truly care. If you missed out of this from your parents, give it to yourself by smiling and making eye contact with yourself in the mirror. You might be surprised by the impact!
Here is the first of two super easy alternatives to yelling at your kids and still get them to listen.
#1 SING!
As anger and frustration build, you can feel the yelling ready to fly out of your mouth. And let’s be honest...sometimes yelling just feels like such a satisfying way to let the cork off the pressure cooker. Afterward, however, you regret the things you said in anger. It’s very easy for yelling to get out of hand, even escalating to verbal or emotional abuse. No parent wants to be the reason his or her child feels hurt or unlovable.
A great way to open the release valve on your stress level without scarring your kids is to sing. SING LOUD! It doesn’t matter if you are tone deaf. The lyrics don’t need to rhyme, or even make sense. All you have to do is put your words to music, with a little spunk and drama added for good measure. (My favorite style is Opera. It sounds terrible, which makes kids laugh. This tends to make them more cooperative. Plus it’s hard to be too mean when acting so foolish.)
A bold, crescendo “Let’s clean up the toys!” allows you to be as loud as you would be if your were yelling, but keep the anger and intimidation out of it so you’re not damaging your kids. Playfulness elicits their cooperation. Ask them to sing with your or add lines to the song while they’re doing what you asked.
Music has a magical power. Use it to get across to the kids in your life without having to resort to yelling and the resentment it creates over time.
I really loved this concept and decided to follow Ms. Morrison’s lead. A child’s value is reflected to them in their parents’ eyes. I now make it a habit to smile and show our kids how genuinely happy I am to see them. It helps me be more present and a better listener and overtly demonstrates that I truly care. If you missed out of this from your parents, give it to yourself by smiling and making eye contact with yourself in the mirror. You might be surprised by the impact!
Here is the first of two super easy alternatives to yelling at your kids and still get them to listen.
#1 SING!
As anger and frustration build, you can feel the yelling ready to fly out of your mouth. And let’s be honest...sometimes yelling just feels like such a satisfying way to let the cork off the pressure cooker. Afterward, however, you regret the things you said in anger. It’s very easy for yelling to get out of hand, even escalating to verbal or emotional abuse. No parent wants to be the reason his or her child feels hurt or unlovable.
A great way to open the release valve on your stress level without scarring your kids is to sing. SING LOUD! It doesn’t matter if you are tone deaf. The lyrics don’t need to rhyme, or even make sense. All you have to do is put your words to music, with a little spunk and drama added for good measure. (My favorite style is Opera. It sounds terrible, which makes kids laugh. This tends to make them more cooperative. Plus it’s hard to be too mean when acting so foolish.)
A bold, crescendo “Let’s clean up the toys!” allows you to be as loud as you would be if your were yelling, but keep the anger and intimidation out of it so you’re not damaging your kids. Playfulness elicits their cooperation. Ask them to sing with your or add lines to the song while they’re doing what you asked.
Music has a magical power. Use it to get across to the kids in your life without having to resort to yelling and the resentment it creates over time.
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