We spent last weekend at our family's cabin. It really makes it feel so much more like Christmas to be surrounded by snow. Time seems to pass more slowly when we're at the cabin. We play games, watch movies, sled and relish in the luxury of relaxation. Taking a few days at a slower pace really recharges my batteries! We spent most of Sunday skiing. As always I learn so much about life when I go skiing! There are lessons imbedded in every trip to the slopes.
I'm a very novice skier. I never skied as a kid, and didn't try it for the first time until I was about 20. Back then, I enjoyed the speedy, wind in my hair element of it, but didn't enjoy the vulnerability of attempting something that didn't come easily to me. Skiing required relinquishing control and trusting others to pick me up when I fell - two things I'd never been very good at. Since my first experience skiing triggered some pretty uncomfortable psychological shortcomings, I wasn't eager to try it again. However, last year when our kids took lessons, I decided I would set a good example and get back out there too.
Gradually my skiing improved. Ironically, I found my progress was more of a psychological exercise than a physical one. Last winter, skiing taught me so many FANTASTIC lessons! Perhaps the most profound, was the breakthrough I experienced when I finally mastered getting off the chair lift successfully. Prior to this landmark moment, I'd always responded to getting off the chair lift with stubborn insistence to do what I thought was best. As soon as my skis hit the snow, I'd stand straight up in an effort to gain balance. This seemed logical given my life-long experience of successfully walking around. However, skiing requires a different solution. Gravity and all the accompanying laws of physics dictate that what works with walking, does not work for skiing. However, I tried to deny these laws by insisting upon doing it my way.
That all changed one sunny winter day. Our daughter, Rachel, and I headed over to our favorite ski run. The lift holds 4 people, so in an effort to speed up the line, we rode up the slope with another single rider. Our companion was a woman in her sixties with youthful, wise, sparkling eyes. As we were riding up, I shared with Rachel the pep talk I was giving myself about how this was going to be THE groundbreaking day I finally got off the chairlift without falling. The wise woman next to me said, "The trick is to lean forward, even if it feels like you shouldn't. Just trust and lean forward." As I thanked her, we exchanged a knowing glance. I think we both realized this advice was meant for more than just skiing. These sage words are a great philosophy for life.
As we reached the top of the run, my wise companion wished me luck. However I barely heard her because I was so focused on the task at hand. As I got off the chairlift, I literally repeated over and over out loud, "Trust and lean forward...trust and lean forward." I forced myself to keep my upper body forward, even as everything I’d known up to that point told me to stand up. And what do you know...it worked! By trusting and leaning forward I successfully exited the chairlift without falling for the first time!
By trusting myself (and the laws of physics,) I forced myself to work against old habits and adopt new ones. I had to trust that something different might work, without having yet experienced it. It was a leap of faith. Leaning forward puts trust into action. It's easy to look into the past and let old stuff determine what you believe is possible for the future. Rather than looking over your shoulder and remain haunted by your past, lean forward. Stick your neck out. Point your focus and momentum in the direction of what you truly want, NOT when you're running away from. Lean forward toward a new, more optimistic future.
Lessons learned skiing apply so perfectly to life too. Just as with skiing, there are invisible forces at work in life too. Faith. Trust. The Law of Attraction. Confidence. Divine intervention. No matter what you call them and whether or not you acknowledge them, they are at work all around you. You can stubbornly deny and work against them, like I did, and continue to fall when you get off your metaphorical chair lift. Or, you can work in harmony with them and allow them to simplify and accelerate your pursuit of happiness.
Remember these lessons learned from skiing to find peace, joy and happiness this holiday season and into the coming new year:
1. What worked in the past may not work now. Rather than stubbornly cling to old ways, try something new.
2. Be willing to listen for sage advice from unexpected sources and fellow travelers along the way.
3. Move in harmony with, not resistance to, the invisible forces at work in your life.
4. Trust and lean forward.
Trust and Lean Forward into life. You'll be amazed by the miracles that start to show up! Let me know how it goes.
Do you want to reuse this article? Feel free! But you must include the following:
Stephanie Owens is founder of Pleaseaholics.com and creator of the Better Boundaries, Better Life System, specializing in teaching People Pleasers how to stop being so hard on themselves and live happier, more productive lives. To get your FREE Audio CD by mail and receive her weekly articles on letting go of the disease to please and creating a mindset that attracts success, visit www.pleaseaholics.com.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
We're Not In Kansas Anymore!
Successful, HAPPY people take responsibility for their current reality. Good or bad, they own the results of their actions (or inaction) and hold themselves accountable.
You’ve created your current reality. This is actually really good news! If you had the power to get you where you are, you ALSO have the power to get yourself where you want to be. Think about it this way, if you had no ability to influence and impact the path of your life, it wouldn’t matter what actions or mindset you put in motion. But if you acknowledge and take responsibility for the things you’ve done (or have chosen not to do), you put yourself in the driver’s seat of your future. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather know I influence the oars and rudder of the boat versus just bobbing along wherever the ocean may take me. YOU, not luck or other people, decide your future.
We’re Not In Kansas Any More. It’s just like Dorothy learns in the Wizard of Oz—”You’ve had the power all along.” You’ve had the power all along to create your life. Unconsciously you’ve already been doing so. Now is the time to become conscious and deliberate about crafting the life you want and becoming the person you truly want to be.
It’s easy to play the blame game or make excuses. Blaming others (my parents never encouraged me) or our circumstances (bad economy) or making excuses (I don’t have the time) helps cushion our egos. Blaming softens the blows of mistakes and disappointments along the way and allows us to rationalize why we’re procrastinating or struggling rather than confronting the fears and doubts that hold us back. When you decide to honestly look at the reasons and excuses you give, and take responsibility for them, you’ll be able to break through to the happiness, prosperity, and peace of mind you’re yearning for.
· Who or what do you blame for the things you don’t like about your situation?
· What are the excuses and reasons you give yourself or others for why things aren’t where you’d like them to be?
The point of all of this is not for you to beat up or get down on yourself. The purpose is to see the ways you can make some small changes that will get you better results. You don’t have to go it alone! That’s why I’m here to help and support you along the way.
I really want you to let it sink in that YOU have the power to create the life you really want. You choose your life. You choose the attitude with which you approach each day and each moment. You choose your actions and reactions that set the stage and create the motion that bring your dreams to life. You choose the expectations for what is possible in your life. You choose your mindset. The universe will literally rearrange itself to provide outcomes that match the expectations you envision. I want you to get all you desire out of life! Owning your thoughts and actions can make all the difference.
Your Assignment: As always, start small. For the rest of today, just pay attention to the thoughts that cross your mind that sound like excuses or blame others. Be kind to yourself as you merely notice, but NOT adjust your thoughts. Then, from noon to 1:00 this Sunday commit to intentionally choosing your attitude, thoughts, words and actions moment to moment. If rationalizations, excuses and blaming appear, stop them in their tracks and remind your self, “I have the power to choose my life.” Then click your heels together three times and choose to move yourself in a better direction.
Find solidarity in the fact that you won’t be going it alone. Your fellow Pleaseaholics and I will all be joined in spirit for that hour as we work together to create a Better Life. I”ll be thinking about you this Sunday! I’d love to know what this experiment is like for you. Let me know how it goes!
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Productive. Also available online: The Better Boundaries, Better Life Coaching programs and Better Boundaries, Better Life Home Study System and Marketing & Mindset Money Magnet Home Study System at www.pleaseaholics.com.
Copywrite 2010 Pleaseaholics. All rights reserved.
Do you want to reuse this article? Feel free! But you must include the following:
Stephanie Owens is founder of Pleaseaholics.com and creator of the Better Boundaries, Better Life System, specializing in teaching People Pleasers how to stop being so hard on themselves and live happier, more productive lives. To get your FREE Audio CD by mail and receive her weekly articles on letting go of the disease to please and creating a mindset that attracts success, visit www.pleaseaholics.com.
You’ve created your current reality. This is actually really good news! If you had the power to get you where you are, you ALSO have the power to get yourself where you want to be. Think about it this way, if you had no ability to influence and impact the path of your life, it wouldn’t matter what actions or mindset you put in motion. But if you acknowledge and take responsibility for the things you’ve done (or have chosen not to do), you put yourself in the driver’s seat of your future. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather know I influence the oars and rudder of the boat versus just bobbing along wherever the ocean may take me. YOU, not luck or other people, decide your future.
We’re Not In Kansas Any More. It’s just like Dorothy learns in the Wizard of Oz—”You’ve had the power all along.” You’ve had the power all along to create your life. Unconsciously you’ve already been doing so. Now is the time to become conscious and deliberate about crafting the life you want and becoming the person you truly want to be.
It’s easy to play the blame game or make excuses. Blaming others (my parents never encouraged me) or our circumstances (bad economy) or making excuses (I don’t have the time) helps cushion our egos. Blaming softens the blows of mistakes and disappointments along the way and allows us to rationalize why we’re procrastinating or struggling rather than confronting the fears and doubts that hold us back. When you decide to honestly look at the reasons and excuses you give, and take responsibility for them, you’ll be able to break through to the happiness, prosperity, and peace of mind you’re yearning for.
· Who or what do you blame for the things you don’t like about your situation?
· What are the excuses and reasons you give yourself or others for why things aren’t where you’d like them to be?
The point of all of this is not for you to beat up or get down on yourself. The purpose is to see the ways you can make some small changes that will get you better results. You don’t have to go it alone! That’s why I’m here to help and support you along the way.
I really want you to let it sink in that YOU have the power to create the life you really want. You choose your life. You choose the attitude with which you approach each day and each moment. You choose your actions and reactions that set the stage and create the motion that bring your dreams to life. You choose the expectations for what is possible in your life. You choose your mindset. The universe will literally rearrange itself to provide outcomes that match the expectations you envision. I want you to get all you desire out of life! Owning your thoughts and actions can make all the difference.
Your Assignment: As always, start small. For the rest of today, just pay attention to the thoughts that cross your mind that sound like excuses or blame others. Be kind to yourself as you merely notice, but NOT adjust your thoughts. Then, from noon to 1:00 this Sunday commit to intentionally choosing your attitude, thoughts, words and actions moment to moment. If rationalizations, excuses and blaming appear, stop them in their tracks and remind your self, “I have the power to choose my life.” Then click your heels together three times and choose to move yourself in a better direction.
Find solidarity in the fact that you won’t be going it alone. Your fellow Pleaseaholics and I will all be joined in spirit for that hour as we work together to create a Better Life. I”ll be thinking about you this Sunday! I’d love to know what this experiment is like for you. Let me know how it goes!
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Productive. Also available online: The Better Boundaries, Better Life Coaching programs and Better Boundaries, Better Life Home Study System and Marketing & Mindset Money Magnet Home Study System at www.pleaseaholics.com.
Copywrite 2010 Pleaseaholics. All rights reserved.
Do you want to reuse this article? Feel free! But you must include the following:
Stephanie Owens is founder of Pleaseaholics.com and creator of the Better Boundaries, Better Life System, specializing in teaching People Pleasers how to stop being so hard on themselves and live happier, more productive lives. To get your FREE Audio CD by mail and receive her weekly articles on letting go of the disease to please and creating a mindset that attracts success, visit www.pleaseaholics.com.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Attitude of Gratitude
I hope you enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend. Our daughter Rachel and I continued our tradition of going to Starbucks for breakfast while my husband Cliff and our son Jaxon play football in a nearby Turkey Bowl. We spend the rest of our holiday making the rounds between in laws and my parents. A day surrounded by family provides a great opportunity to practice gratitude for all the wonderful and quirky traits that exist within families.
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday! I love that we celebrate an entire day dedicated to gratitude and appreciation for the abundance in our lives. I have much to be thankful for – an amazing husband, children we are so proud of, supportive extended family, the best friends in the world, a comfortable home, good health, freedom and the opportunity to live my passion. Yet it’s easy in the hustle and bustle of life to take these blessings for granted. That’s why it’s good to have a holiday whose purpose is to remind us to stop and notice what we have to be grateful for and count our blessings.
I hope you know amongst my many blessing, I’m very grateful for you too. It means so much to me that you allow me to join you on your journey to live your best life. In that way you help me live my best life too. J I don’t have the words to fully capture the depth of my gratitude, so I’ll just simply say, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
Having an attitude of gratitude is important all year, not just on Thanksgiving. Gratitude combats even the worst circumstances and most foul moods. If you struggle to find joy or feel you’re barely keeping your head above water, adopting an attitude of gratitude unlocks your sweet spirit that’s trapped behind depression, overwhelm and pain. This is the part of you who longs to be lighthearted, joyful, optimistic and at peace. Do you struggle to find and maintain these states of mind? If so, you may be stuck in the “I’ll be happy when” trap. “I’ll be happy when I’m thin.” “I”ll be happy when it stops raining.” “I’ll be happy when I have more money.” “I’ll be happy when I finish this project.” “I’ll be happy when the holidays are over.” “I’ll be happy when I get a new job.”
It’s easy to con yourself into putting off your happiness and satisfaction until circumstances change. In what ways to you fall into the “I’ll be happy when” trap?
You can shift your mindset so you can find happiness and satisfaction in the present moment by creating a daily gratitude practice. At least once a day, focus on looking for the ways things are going well. What do you have to be happy about and grateful for right now? Even the most dispondant person has something to be thankful for. If nothing else you can be grateful you have the opportunity to read this article so you can begin to turn your life in a new direction.
Gratitude is incompatible with sadness, grief, anxiety or fear. By turning your attention toward your blessings, not only do you make it impossible to feel bad, but you begin to attract more good thing into your life. Putting on gratitude colored glasses makes you more aware of the good stuff and wonderful opportunities that are already all around you. You’ll begin to feel your heart warm to the idea that you can create a happy, prosperous, healthy life.
Your Assignment: Create a daily gratitude practice – journal, blog, prayer, email me every day. Get creative! Focus on looking for the ways things are going well even if you haven’t reached your ultimate goal yet. Each day note something you enjoyed about this part of the journey.
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Productive. Also available online: The Better Boundaries, Better Life Coaching programs and Better Boundaries, Better Life Home Study System and Marketing & Mindset Money Magnet Home Study System at www.pleaseaholics.com.
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday! I love that we celebrate an entire day dedicated to gratitude and appreciation for the abundance in our lives. I have much to be thankful for – an amazing husband, children we are so proud of, supportive extended family, the best friends in the world, a comfortable home, good health, freedom and the opportunity to live my passion. Yet it’s easy in the hustle and bustle of life to take these blessings for granted. That’s why it’s good to have a holiday whose purpose is to remind us to stop and notice what we have to be grateful for and count our blessings.
I hope you know amongst my many blessing, I’m very grateful for you too. It means so much to me that you allow me to join you on your journey to live your best life. In that way you help me live my best life too. J I don’t have the words to fully capture the depth of my gratitude, so I’ll just simply say, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
Having an attitude of gratitude is important all year, not just on Thanksgiving. Gratitude combats even the worst circumstances and most foul moods. If you struggle to find joy or feel you’re barely keeping your head above water, adopting an attitude of gratitude unlocks your sweet spirit that’s trapped behind depression, overwhelm and pain. This is the part of you who longs to be lighthearted, joyful, optimistic and at peace. Do you struggle to find and maintain these states of mind? If so, you may be stuck in the “I’ll be happy when” trap. “I’ll be happy when I’m thin.” “I”ll be happy when it stops raining.” “I’ll be happy when I have more money.” “I’ll be happy when I finish this project.” “I’ll be happy when the holidays are over.” “I’ll be happy when I get a new job.”
It’s easy to con yourself into putting off your happiness and satisfaction until circumstances change. In what ways to you fall into the “I’ll be happy when” trap?
You can shift your mindset so you can find happiness and satisfaction in the present moment by creating a daily gratitude practice. At least once a day, focus on looking for the ways things are going well. What do you have to be happy about and grateful for right now? Even the most dispondant person has something to be thankful for. If nothing else you can be grateful you have the opportunity to read this article so you can begin to turn your life in a new direction.
Gratitude is incompatible with sadness, grief, anxiety or fear. By turning your attention toward your blessings, not only do you make it impossible to feel bad, but you begin to attract more good thing into your life. Putting on gratitude colored glasses makes you more aware of the good stuff and wonderful opportunities that are already all around you. You’ll begin to feel your heart warm to the idea that you can create a happy, prosperous, healthy life.
Your Assignment: Create a daily gratitude practice – journal, blog, prayer, email me every day. Get creative! Focus on looking for the ways things are going well even if you haven’t reached your ultimate goal yet. Each day note something you enjoyed about this part of the journey.
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Productive. Also available online: The Better Boundaries, Better Life Coaching programs and Better Boundaries, Better Life Home Study System and Marketing & Mindset Money Magnet Home Study System at www.pleaseaholics.com.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Got Inner Critic?
Our family spent this past weekend at our son’s basketball tournament. Witnessing and being involved with our kids’ activities is one of my favorite ways to spend time. It’s such a joy to watch them grow and develop as people as they stretch themselves to try new and bigger things. They inspire me to keep pushing myself too!
I’m routinely impressed with what great basketball players 11 year olds can be! It’s so much fun to see the kids learning the life-long lessons of character and confidence that playing sports brings. Our team played so well together, that they earned their way to the championship game. With 5 seconds to go in the championship our team was up 2 points. With an unbelievable shot, the other team hit a 3-point basket at the buzzer to win by one. The kids were devastated! (as were the coaches and more than a few parents) They’d worked so hard and were seconds from victory only to have it dissolve in front of their eyes.
Our coaches teach the boys to show grace and sportsmanship in both victory and defeat, so the boys demonstrated great poise in the face of their disappointment. I was so inspired by the resilience and strength of character they mustered even though their view was blurred by tears. They are great examples of how to handle challenges life throws our way.
I was so impressed with how well the kids managed their heartbreak…at least on the outside. I couldn’t help but wonder what they were each thinking on the inside. It reminded me of my favorite definition of self-esteem: “Self esteem is what you say to yourself with things aren’t going well.”
What do you say to yourself when things aren’t going well?
The answer to this question reflects your self worth and beliefs about what’s possible in your life. If your self image whispers, “You don’t deserve it.” or “You can’t do it.” it’ll overpower your strongest desires to achieve your goals and dreams. Even if you want something desperately, you will struggle to make it happen as long as your self-esteem has its foot on the brake.
The thoughts that enter your mind when the chips are down are a voice-over loop of messages you’ve received throughout your life. If you’re hard on yourself or put yourself down when challenges arise it’s because that’s what you’ve been taught to do. This tape may have been playing in your head for so long you might not even realize it’s not supposed to be there. You might think that’s just how everyone thinks. Would it surprise you to know you can erase and re-record something different? It’s time to record a new message and stop being so hard on yourself so you can boost your enthusiasm and ability to attract all you desire.
You must learn to be more kind to yourself. Yet, I know, this is easier said than done. I want to give you the tools you need to overcome obstacles along your path. Here’s the step-by-step process you can use time and again to shift to a kinder, gentler mindset when things aren’t going the way you’d like.
1. Notice when your voice over is sending negative messages.
2. Interrupt these thoughts in their tracks – say stop.
3. Replace them with positive messages.
4. If the messages continue to punish or battle with you, consider what purpose this pain can serve. Is there a lesson here that could help you grow? Can you use this struggle to inspire others?
Repeat this process any time you find your inner critic nagging at you throughout your day.
Coming up with new, positive messages can be difficult if criticism comes more naturally. Try these tips to create affirmations
· State the opposite of what your inner critic or fear-based thought is trying to say (I deserve to be treated with respect.)
· Base it on your strengths (I have a good heart.)
· Lend yourself the same compassion you’d offer a small, scared child who’s upset and crying. (It’s going to be ok. I’m sorry it’s so hard today.)
· Force yourself to come up with exceptions to the negative label your inner critic is trying to convince you of (It’s ok to ask for what I want. Asking for what I want doesn’t make me selfish. I’m generous and kind. Like the time I volunteered to …)
· What would your biggest fan, soul mate or higher power say they appreciate about you? (You have so many special gifts. For example, you were born to teach.)
· Underneath, what do you sense is your purpose? How can you connect this challenge to the values that matter to you most? (I feel broken, like damaged goods because I was abused as a kid. I can’t accept I am special and wonderful yet. If I could bring some good from my pain it might help. Maybe I can volunteer at or fundraise for a foundation that helps abused kids.)
Give yourself credit for the pain you’ve experienced in the past. I’m grateful that you developed ways to cope so you could arrive here at this point in your life. Use your own inner strength to keep moving forward. You’re stonger and more wonderful than you give yourself credit for. Yet those old coping mechanisms are no longer serving you well. It’s time to let them go and allow for an image of yourself that reflects your divine gifts and purpose. It’s time to remember who you were born to be.
You deserve to be treated with kindness and dignity. If you wince at the thought of this idea, that’s a signal that your self esteem has taken a beating. Trust that I believe in your intrinsic value and worth enough for the both of us, until you come to know it for yourself.
I’m routinely impressed with what great basketball players 11 year olds can be! It’s so much fun to see the kids learning the life-long lessons of character and confidence that playing sports brings. Our team played so well together, that they earned their way to the championship game. With 5 seconds to go in the championship our team was up 2 points. With an unbelievable shot, the other team hit a 3-point basket at the buzzer to win by one. The kids were devastated! (as were the coaches and more than a few parents) They’d worked so hard and were seconds from victory only to have it dissolve in front of their eyes.
Our coaches teach the boys to show grace and sportsmanship in both victory and defeat, so the boys demonstrated great poise in the face of their disappointment. I was so inspired by the resilience and strength of character they mustered even though their view was blurred by tears. They are great examples of how to handle challenges life throws our way.
I was so impressed with how well the kids managed their heartbreak…at least on the outside. I couldn’t help but wonder what they were each thinking on the inside. It reminded me of my favorite definition of self-esteem: “Self esteem is what you say to yourself with things aren’t going well.”
What do you say to yourself when things aren’t going well?
The answer to this question reflects your self worth and beliefs about what’s possible in your life. If your self image whispers, “You don’t deserve it.” or “You can’t do it.” it’ll overpower your strongest desires to achieve your goals and dreams. Even if you want something desperately, you will struggle to make it happen as long as your self-esteem has its foot on the brake.
The thoughts that enter your mind when the chips are down are a voice-over loop of messages you’ve received throughout your life. If you’re hard on yourself or put yourself down when challenges arise it’s because that’s what you’ve been taught to do. This tape may have been playing in your head for so long you might not even realize it’s not supposed to be there. You might think that’s just how everyone thinks. Would it surprise you to know you can erase and re-record something different? It’s time to record a new message and stop being so hard on yourself so you can boost your enthusiasm and ability to attract all you desire.
You must learn to be more kind to yourself. Yet, I know, this is easier said than done. I want to give you the tools you need to overcome obstacles along your path. Here’s the step-by-step process you can use time and again to shift to a kinder, gentler mindset when things aren’t going the way you’d like.
1. Notice when your voice over is sending negative messages.
2. Interrupt these thoughts in their tracks – say stop.
3. Replace them with positive messages.
4. If the messages continue to punish or battle with you, consider what purpose this pain can serve. Is there a lesson here that could help you grow? Can you use this struggle to inspire others?
Repeat this process any time you find your inner critic nagging at you throughout your day.
Coming up with new, positive messages can be difficult if criticism comes more naturally. Try these tips to create affirmations
· State the opposite of what your inner critic or fear-based thought is trying to say (I deserve to be treated with respect.)
· Base it on your strengths (I have a good heart.)
· Lend yourself the same compassion you’d offer a small, scared child who’s upset and crying. (It’s going to be ok. I’m sorry it’s so hard today.)
· Force yourself to come up with exceptions to the negative label your inner critic is trying to convince you of (It’s ok to ask for what I want. Asking for what I want doesn’t make me selfish. I’m generous and kind. Like the time I volunteered to …)
· What would your biggest fan, soul mate or higher power say they appreciate about you? (You have so many special gifts. For example, you were born to teach.)
· Underneath, what do you sense is your purpose? How can you connect this challenge to the values that matter to you most? (I feel broken, like damaged goods because I was abused as a kid. I can’t accept I am special and wonderful yet. If I could bring some good from my pain it might help. Maybe I can volunteer at or fundraise for a foundation that helps abused kids.)
Give yourself credit for the pain you’ve experienced in the past. I’m grateful that you developed ways to cope so you could arrive here at this point in your life. Use your own inner strength to keep moving forward. You’re stonger and more wonderful than you give yourself credit for. Yet those old coping mechanisms are no longer serving you well. It’s time to let them go and allow for an image of yourself that reflects your divine gifts and purpose. It’s time to remember who you were born to be.
You deserve to be treated with kindness and dignity. If you wince at the thought of this idea, that’s a signal that your self esteem has taken a beating. Trust that I believe in your intrinsic value and worth enough for the both of us, until you come to know it for yourself.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Wanted: A Few Big Dreamers
This past weekend, I had a good old-fashioned slumber party with my best friend Michelle. Her husband was away on business so we took advantage of the opportunity to enjoy a girls night in. We talked and ate and talked some more. Michelle and I have been known to stay up talking all night without even realizing time had passed until we saw the sun start to come up!
While we didn’t stay up all night this time, we did cover all the necessary sleep over topics – relationships, kids, career, chocolate. Since we both have birthdays this month, we also talked a lot about where we are in life and where we want to be when our birthdays roll around this time next year. I decided I want to dedicate this next year to growing by leaps and bounds. Next November will be my 40th birthday, a definite milestone. Throughout our 20’s and 30’s my friends and I would talk about how the struggles we were learning from then would mean we’d be so awesome at 40. I’m going to make sure that’s 100% true for me. Join me! Let’s all stride boldly in the direction of our dreams. Together we are unstoppable!
What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?
What are the secret desires of your heart?
Most of the time we dismiss the big dreams that float through our thoughts. We write them off as “unrealistic” or “impossible.” Why? Because no one else has done it before? Because it would be difficult, scary or uncomfortable? This type of limited thinking is what keeps most people locked in lives of quiet desperation. The truth is any idea that comes to you holds divine inspiration. That thought would not occur to you unless there was a way to bring it to life. Rather than talk yourself out it, consider how to make it happen. What’s the dream that you keep pushing to the side? Would it surprise you to know if you can dream it you can do it?
The beauty of big dreams is that they scare most people. That means for those of us brave and faithful enough to stretch ourselves to pursue big dreams have very little competition. It’s much harder to find success when you’re one of the pack, a common face in the crowd. Most people will resign themselves to the protection of the group, so it doesn’t take much to distinguish yourself. By doing just a little more than expected and stretching yourself past your comfort zone you move into less crowed territory. You become a shining light, capable of attracting the people and opportunities that will shepherd in the life of your dreams.
I want you to have the life of your dreams. It’s the life that exists just on the other side of your fears. The secret is those fears are illusions that you can stride through any time you wish. I love this quote from A Course in Miracles: “If you knew who walked beside you on the path that you have chosen, you could never be afraid.”
It’s time to cast aside old habits, labels, patterns and fears. The world needs a few committed people to step up and create the change they want to see in the world. Do your part. Anchor yourself to your divine gifts and share them generously with those around you and the world. Trust that you already have all you need to make your dreams come true. You’re not alone. And until you know that for sure, I’ve got your back.
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Productive.
While we didn’t stay up all night this time, we did cover all the necessary sleep over topics – relationships, kids, career, chocolate. Since we both have birthdays this month, we also talked a lot about where we are in life and where we want to be when our birthdays roll around this time next year. I decided I want to dedicate this next year to growing by leaps and bounds. Next November will be my 40th birthday, a definite milestone. Throughout our 20’s and 30’s my friends and I would talk about how the struggles we were learning from then would mean we’d be so awesome at 40. I’m going to make sure that’s 100% true for me. Join me! Let’s all stride boldly in the direction of our dreams. Together we are unstoppable!
What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?
What are the secret desires of your heart?
Most of the time we dismiss the big dreams that float through our thoughts. We write them off as “unrealistic” or “impossible.” Why? Because no one else has done it before? Because it would be difficult, scary or uncomfortable? This type of limited thinking is what keeps most people locked in lives of quiet desperation. The truth is any idea that comes to you holds divine inspiration. That thought would not occur to you unless there was a way to bring it to life. Rather than talk yourself out it, consider how to make it happen. What’s the dream that you keep pushing to the side? Would it surprise you to know if you can dream it you can do it?
The beauty of big dreams is that they scare most people. That means for those of us brave and faithful enough to stretch ourselves to pursue big dreams have very little competition. It’s much harder to find success when you’re one of the pack, a common face in the crowd. Most people will resign themselves to the protection of the group, so it doesn’t take much to distinguish yourself. By doing just a little more than expected and stretching yourself past your comfort zone you move into less crowed territory. You become a shining light, capable of attracting the people and opportunities that will shepherd in the life of your dreams.
I want you to have the life of your dreams. It’s the life that exists just on the other side of your fears. The secret is those fears are illusions that you can stride through any time you wish. I love this quote from A Course in Miracles: “If you knew who walked beside you on the path that you have chosen, you could never be afraid.”
It’s time to cast aside old habits, labels, patterns and fears. The world needs a few committed people to step up and create the change they want to see in the world. Do your part. Anchor yourself to your divine gifts and share them generously with those around you and the world. Trust that you already have all you need to make your dreams come true. You’re not alone. And until you know that for sure, I’ve got your back.
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Productive.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Who's Your BFF?
I’m still grinning when I think about the wonderful memories created last weekend at Success Unplugged. There’s nothing like being surrounded by that much girl power!
I had the great privilege, not only to speak at this awesome event, but also to attend with my very best friends in the world. It was a true joy to share the day with these wonderful women. It reminded me how very blessed I am to be surrounded by friends who encourage, support and believe in me. These amazing women are an ever-present source of inspiration and love. I felt so happy and grateful to spend the in their presence. Because there is a limitless supply of awesome in the universe, I also had the very good fortune to meet some wonderful new women too, with the promise of future friendships in the making.
Are your friends supportive or toxic? Are you a good friend to yourself?
I was at a women’s business association meeting recently where the guest speaker was a former local news anchor, Margo Meyers. She talked about the important role friendships between women play in a woman’s well being. A recent study indicates that women who have good friendships with other women are happier, less stressed and actually even live longer! What an eye opener!
What’s your support network like? Do you have friends you can lean on? Share joys and sorrows with? Are your friendships supportive, loving and compassionate or toxic, discouraging and imbalanced? If you’re blessed to have great friends, add that to your list of things to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. If not, add “BFF” to your Christmas wish list. Merely acknowledging your desire for divine friendships begins the flow of new, healthier relationships in your direction. Keep your eyes open for the wonderful women who are all around you and begin to cultivate strong, healthy friendships.
The one person you can always count on to be there is YOU! Are you a good friend to yourself? Do you show yourself respect and kindness? I adore the unique blend of traits that makes you a one of a kind work of art. Ironically these same traits are often the things people are most critical of themselves about. It breaks my heart to watch someone put themselves down, or ruthlessly critique their every action or appearance.
Many people treat themselves much more harshly than they would ever consider handling a friend. To align your thoughts with a more positive view of yourself and quiet those critical thoughts, speak to yourself as you would a new friend…someone you’re making a point to connect with. You’ll start attracting inspiring friendships into your life by being a good friend to yourself. Set the example for how you want others to treat you by treating yourself with love, respect and compassion. Offer yourself more loving sentiments so you get to know the wonderful person you actually are. That way you can begin to create deep, loyal, respectful, loving friendships you’ll tresure for a life time.
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Produtive. Also available online: The Better Boundaries, Better Life Coaching programs and Better Boundaries, Better Life Home Study System and Marketing & Mindset Money Magent Home Sutdy System at www.pleaseaholics.com.
I had the great privilege, not only to speak at this awesome event, but also to attend with my very best friends in the world. It was a true joy to share the day with these wonderful women. It reminded me how very blessed I am to be surrounded by friends who encourage, support and believe in me. These amazing women are an ever-present source of inspiration and love. I felt so happy and grateful to spend the in their presence. Because there is a limitless supply of awesome in the universe, I also had the very good fortune to meet some wonderful new women too, with the promise of future friendships in the making.
Are your friends supportive or toxic? Are you a good friend to yourself?
I was at a women’s business association meeting recently where the guest speaker was a former local news anchor, Margo Meyers. She talked about the important role friendships between women play in a woman’s well being. A recent study indicates that women who have good friendships with other women are happier, less stressed and actually even live longer! What an eye opener!
What’s your support network like? Do you have friends you can lean on? Share joys and sorrows with? Are your friendships supportive, loving and compassionate or toxic, discouraging and imbalanced? If you’re blessed to have great friends, add that to your list of things to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. If not, add “BFF” to your Christmas wish list. Merely acknowledging your desire for divine friendships begins the flow of new, healthier relationships in your direction. Keep your eyes open for the wonderful women who are all around you and begin to cultivate strong, healthy friendships.
The one person you can always count on to be there is YOU! Are you a good friend to yourself? Do you show yourself respect and kindness? I adore the unique blend of traits that makes you a one of a kind work of art. Ironically these same traits are often the things people are most critical of themselves about. It breaks my heart to watch someone put themselves down, or ruthlessly critique their every action or appearance.
Many people treat themselves much more harshly than they would ever consider handling a friend. To align your thoughts with a more positive view of yourself and quiet those critical thoughts, speak to yourself as you would a new friend…someone you’re making a point to connect with. You’ll start attracting inspiring friendships into your life by being a good friend to yourself. Set the example for how you want others to treat you by treating yourself with love, respect and compassion. Offer yourself more loving sentiments so you get to know the wonderful person you actually are. That way you can begin to create deep, loyal, respectful, loving friendships you’ll tresure for a life time.
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Produtive. Also available online: The Better Boundaries, Better Life Coaching programs and Better Boundaries, Better Life Home Study System and Marketing & Mindset Money Magent Home Sutdy System at www.pleaseaholics.com.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Spring Forward, Fall Back
Spring Forward, Fall Back! Tomorrow Daylights Saving Time ends and we all get an extra hour. What are you going to do with your bonus time?
I’m planning on spending mine extra hour recovering from the amazing time I’ll have at Success Unplugged (and the after party. J) I’m so excited to be sharing the stage with so many inspirational speakers at this transformational event designed for women entrepreneurs. I’ll be talking about how fear can sabotage your success and what to do about it.
Spring Forward, Fall Back! This pneumonic device used to remember which way to move the hands of the clock at the beginning and end of daylight savings time is actually great advice. It follows the council of highly successful people. People who flourish in life share many key traits. Two of these critical characteristics are:
1) They see what needs to be done and take decisive action.
2) They don’t let fear keep them stuck.
When you have a project in front of you or see a change needs to be made, Spring Forward! Don’t question yourself or let your inner critic talk you out of your instincts. Don’t procrastinate or make excuses for why it’s not getting done. Take decisive action!
Often the reason we put things off or stay immobilized is because of an underlying fear. It could be fear of doing something wrong, fears of rejection, failure, judgment, overwhelm…the list goes on. Successful people don’t let fear keep them stuck. They feel the fear and do it anyway. However, I’d like to give you a trick to adopting this habit of successful people without having to beat yourself up against that wall of fear.
The secret to getting unstuck is to know when to Fall Back. If you can’t seem to get yourself to take the first (or next) step toward completing the project, goal or change you have in mind, then your step is too big. Fall back to a smaller, more manageable step. This loophole short circuits your fears. When a step is super small it’s not considered a threat to your ego.
As you move closer to your goal, you may run into fear-based roadblocks again and again. Instead of fizzling out, temporarily fall back; regroup and prepare to take Spring Forward again. Before you know it, you’ll be at the finish line!
Your assignment: Use the extra hour you gain this weekend to assess a project, goal or change you’ve been putting off. Decide how you’ll Spring Forward, knowing you can Fall Back on small steps to reach your destination.
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Produtive.
I’m planning on spending mine extra hour recovering from the amazing time I’ll have at Success Unplugged (and the after party. J) I’m so excited to be sharing the stage with so many inspirational speakers at this transformational event designed for women entrepreneurs. I’ll be talking about how fear can sabotage your success and what to do about it.
Spring Forward, Fall Back! This pneumonic device used to remember which way to move the hands of the clock at the beginning and end of daylight savings time is actually great advice. It follows the council of highly successful people. People who flourish in life share many key traits. Two of these critical characteristics are:
1) They see what needs to be done and take decisive action.
2) They don’t let fear keep them stuck.
When you have a project in front of you or see a change needs to be made, Spring Forward! Don’t question yourself or let your inner critic talk you out of your instincts. Don’t procrastinate or make excuses for why it’s not getting done. Take decisive action!
Often the reason we put things off or stay immobilized is because of an underlying fear. It could be fear of doing something wrong, fears of rejection, failure, judgment, overwhelm…the list goes on. Successful people don’t let fear keep them stuck. They feel the fear and do it anyway. However, I’d like to give you a trick to adopting this habit of successful people without having to beat yourself up against that wall of fear.
The secret to getting unstuck is to know when to Fall Back. If you can’t seem to get yourself to take the first (or next) step toward completing the project, goal or change you have in mind, then your step is too big. Fall back to a smaller, more manageable step. This loophole short circuits your fears. When a step is super small it’s not considered a threat to your ego.
As you move closer to your goal, you may run into fear-based roadblocks again and again. Instead of fizzling out, temporarily fall back; regroup and prepare to take Spring Forward again. Before you know it, you’ll be at the finish line!
Your assignment: Use the extra hour you gain this weekend to assess a project, goal or change you’ve been putting off. Decide how you’ll Spring Forward, knowing you can Fall Back on small steps to reach your destination.
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Produtive.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Turn Over A New Leaf
Fall is one if my favorite times of year. Since I was a kid I’ve loved the crisp air, school days and football season. If you haven’t treated yourself to a honey crisp apple yet, rush to the store and buy one immediately! J Perhaps the best feature of autumn is the vibrant jewel tone colors. They take my breath away! I can’t help but notice the beautiful reds, oranges, yellows and golds.
That gorgeous foliage reminds me to reflect on the changing seasons – emphasis on CHANGE. Fall is a great time to turn over a new leaf…make a change. Change doesn’t have to be difficult or painful, despite what we’ve been conditioned to believe, especially when we start small. Use the beauty of the changes you see in nature as inspiration to turn over a new life in your life.Turn over a new leaf.
Think of a change would you like to create in your life.
Change isn’t always comfortable. Often to experience change you have to push through the discomfort that’s kept you stuck up to this point. I expect results for you. I would be doing you a disservice if I just let you float along as you have been so far. I know the good stuff that’s waiting for you on the other side of that resistance, so I’m excited to see you break through! You may find, however, it’s not as difficult and won’t take as long as you think.
Don’t worry! Great results can come from very small changes. Dr. Robert Mauer’s Kaisen method of change, detailed in his book, One Small Step Can Change Your Life, teaches that even the smallest changes can bring about significant results. Allowing yourself the option to just make a small change squelches the fears and doubts that have sabotaged your progress in the past.
Create change with ridiculously small steps so it’s not too much too soon. We want real results that last, not sudden leaps that are merely a flash in the pan. Plus, if the change isn’t that different from what you’re doing already, you’re more likely to do it, rather than get overwhelmed with a huge step or flooded with fear. You’ll be able to overcome inertia and use the momentum from small changes to propel you forward.
For example, let’s say your goal is to be debt free. That can be a tall order! Rather than get psyched out by the enormity of the goal, think of the smallest step you could take in that direction. I mean microscopically small. To begin your path toward financial freedom, decide you’ll add an extra penny to each of your payments next month. Then the next month make it two cents or maybe go crazy and add an extra dollar.
Over time you’ll see the benefits of this small gesture, and find inspiration to make your changes bigger. The key is to just turn over one leaf today. Start small.
What’s your goal?
What change do you want to create?
What’s the first ridiculously small step you’ll take in that direction? Start today!
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Produtive. Also available online: The Better Boundaries, Better Life Coaching programs and Better Boundaries, Better Life Home Study System and Marketing & Mindset Money Magent Home Sutdy System at www.pleaseaholics.com.
That gorgeous foliage reminds me to reflect on the changing seasons – emphasis on CHANGE. Fall is a great time to turn over a new leaf…make a change. Change doesn’t have to be difficult or painful, despite what we’ve been conditioned to believe, especially when we start small. Use the beauty of the changes you see in nature as inspiration to turn over a new life in your life.Turn over a new leaf.
Think of a change would you like to create in your life.
Change isn’t always comfortable. Often to experience change you have to push through the discomfort that’s kept you stuck up to this point. I expect results for you. I would be doing you a disservice if I just let you float along as you have been so far. I know the good stuff that’s waiting for you on the other side of that resistance, so I’m excited to see you break through! You may find, however, it’s not as difficult and won’t take as long as you think.
Don’t worry! Great results can come from very small changes. Dr. Robert Mauer’s Kaisen method of change, detailed in his book, One Small Step Can Change Your Life, teaches that even the smallest changes can bring about significant results. Allowing yourself the option to just make a small change squelches the fears and doubts that have sabotaged your progress in the past.
Create change with ridiculously small steps so it’s not too much too soon. We want real results that last, not sudden leaps that are merely a flash in the pan. Plus, if the change isn’t that different from what you’re doing already, you’re more likely to do it, rather than get overwhelmed with a huge step or flooded with fear. You’ll be able to overcome inertia and use the momentum from small changes to propel you forward.
For example, let’s say your goal is to be debt free. That can be a tall order! Rather than get psyched out by the enormity of the goal, think of the smallest step you could take in that direction. I mean microscopically small. To begin your path toward financial freedom, decide you’ll add an extra penny to each of your payments next month. Then the next month make it two cents or maybe go crazy and add an extra dollar.
Over time you’ll see the benefits of this small gesture, and find inspiration to make your changes bigger. The key is to just turn over one leaf today. Start small.
What’s your goal?
What change do you want to create?
What’s the first ridiculously small step you’ll take in that direction? Start today!
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Produtive. Also available online: The Better Boundaries, Better Life Coaching programs and Better Boundaries, Better Life Home Study System and Marketing & Mindset Money Magent Home Sutdy System at www.pleaseaholics.com.
Can't Say No? Are You Being Selfish?
Ask any recovering Pleaseaholic to name her top 5 challenges and she will always include “I struggle to say no.” on the list. I hope you know you’re not alone! There are so many good reasons and great intentions behind your willingness to be so generous. We don’t want to take away your good heart, but rather keep you from becoming so overwhelmed that you’re no longer effective and helpful.
No matter why saying no is difficult for you, changing how you think about it will help. The sense of obligation to say yes can actually be a very selfish thing. When you say yes to everything, it leaves fewer opportunities for others. By deciding you “should” say yes, even when you don’t really want to, you’re robbing someone else of the opportunity to serve, grow his or her abilities or learn something new. Is the fact that you’d feel guilty if you said no more important than someone else’s desire to contribute? I bet you didn’t even realize you were putting your feelings ahead of the needs of others.
In struggling to say no, you’re also scattering your attention so that your true priorities don’t get the energy and attention they deserve. This often leaves you feeling like you’re working SO HARD to make everything work and everyone happy that you’re running yourself ragged. You’re not able to give your best to the people you care about who truly need you. Even with all that work, you may still feel like you’re not doing anything as well as you’d like. That’s a lose-lose situation.
Remind yourself that it’s not only OK, but better so say no sometimes. You’ll have more energy, better focus and a greater sense of satisfaction because your energies are focused on the things that matter to you most.
Often the habit of saying “yes” gets so engrained that you no longer know what you really want to do. If you don’t trust yourself to pick and choose well, take yourself out of the equation. Just Say No! Say “No” to every new request for your time (going out to lunch with a friend, planning the office holiday party, taking on extra projects, volunteering for a committee, going shopping with your mom, etc.). I usually make this a month-long assignment for my clients, but I want you to just dip your toe in the water to get started.
Your Assignment: Say no to everything for one day. (If you really want to stretch yourself, stick with it for one week. J) I know you may be thinking, “I wouldn’t even know what to say.” Just say, “I’m sorry. I’m making a point to not take on anything new right now. Please ask me again in the future.”
Pay attention to the things you are relieved you have an excuse to say no to. Notice the things you feel you “should” have said yes to. These will make you feel urgent, jumpy, and yucky inside. You may even find yourself picking up the phone to take back your no when the “shoulds” show up. This would be truly selfish because the main reason you’d be saying yes it to make yourself feel better. Stay firm in your no! What did you wish you “could” say yes to. (Do you see the difference between should vs. could?) These are the things you feel exicted and happy about and are disapppointed you’ll miss out on. These are the things you truly want to do.
Your Assignment: On your calendar, journal or notebook, track your reactions to your Just Say No project. Which requests are you relieved to decline? Who asked you to do things you felt you “should” have said yes to? What are you bummed you had to say no to? Do you notice any patterns?
Once the day (or week) is over, you can continue to use the “Just Say No” rule to determine your true feelings about a request. Do more of the things you truly want to do with the people you actually enjoy spending time with. Keep saying no to the types of activities you wish you had a way out of or feel you “should” do. Let me know how it’s going!
If you want more ideas and solutions about how to say no and stick with it and rid yourself of the disease to please, check out the Better Boundaries, Better Life Coaching programs and Better Boundaries, Better Life Home Study System at www.pleaseaholics.com.
No matter why saying no is difficult for you, changing how you think about it will help. The sense of obligation to say yes can actually be a very selfish thing. When you say yes to everything, it leaves fewer opportunities for others. By deciding you “should” say yes, even when you don’t really want to, you’re robbing someone else of the opportunity to serve, grow his or her abilities or learn something new. Is the fact that you’d feel guilty if you said no more important than someone else’s desire to contribute? I bet you didn’t even realize you were putting your feelings ahead of the needs of others.
In struggling to say no, you’re also scattering your attention so that your true priorities don’t get the energy and attention they deserve. This often leaves you feeling like you’re working SO HARD to make everything work and everyone happy that you’re running yourself ragged. You’re not able to give your best to the people you care about who truly need you. Even with all that work, you may still feel like you’re not doing anything as well as you’d like. That’s a lose-lose situation.
Remind yourself that it’s not only OK, but better so say no sometimes. You’ll have more energy, better focus and a greater sense of satisfaction because your energies are focused on the things that matter to you most.
Often the habit of saying “yes” gets so engrained that you no longer know what you really want to do. If you don’t trust yourself to pick and choose well, take yourself out of the equation. Just Say No! Say “No” to every new request for your time (going out to lunch with a friend, planning the office holiday party, taking on extra projects, volunteering for a committee, going shopping with your mom, etc.). I usually make this a month-long assignment for my clients, but I want you to just dip your toe in the water to get started.
Your Assignment: Say no to everything for one day. (If you really want to stretch yourself, stick with it for one week. J) I know you may be thinking, “I wouldn’t even know what to say.” Just say, “I’m sorry. I’m making a point to not take on anything new right now. Please ask me again in the future.”
Pay attention to the things you are relieved you have an excuse to say no to. Notice the things you feel you “should” have said yes to. These will make you feel urgent, jumpy, and yucky inside. You may even find yourself picking up the phone to take back your no when the “shoulds” show up. This would be truly selfish because the main reason you’d be saying yes it to make yourself feel better. Stay firm in your no! What did you wish you “could” say yes to. (Do you see the difference between should vs. could?) These are the things you feel exicted and happy about and are disapppointed you’ll miss out on. These are the things you truly want to do.
Your Assignment: On your calendar, journal or notebook, track your reactions to your Just Say No project. Which requests are you relieved to decline? Who asked you to do things you felt you “should” have said yes to? What are you bummed you had to say no to? Do you notice any patterns?
Once the day (or week) is over, you can continue to use the “Just Say No” rule to determine your true feelings about a request. Do more of the things you truly want to do with the people you actually enjoy spending time with. Keep saying no to the types of activities you wish you had a way out of or feel you “should” do. Let me know how it’s going!
If you want more ideas and solutions about how to say no and stick with it and rid yourself of the disease to please, check out the Better Boundaries, Better Life Coaching programs and Better Boundaries, Better Life Home Study System at www.pleaseaholics.com.
Business Mindset Secret: Mind Your Own Business
A defining moment in the success of my business occurred when I learned this Mindset secret.
When we set out to launch our first business over a decade ago, we almost crashed and burned before we even got started. We had reach a verbal agreement to buy an existing company, when at the last minute they agreed to sell their business to someone else. We were heart broken and angry. Nevertheless, we decided to put that in our rearview mirror and build our own company from the ground up. Now it’s easy to say we were “moving on” from a perceived offense or injury, but another to actually let go of resentment. Nevertheless its festering negativity that can be our undoing if we’re not careful.
Of course, our main competitor was the new owners of the company we’d wanted to buy. It would have been really easy to start off our company with a chip on our shoulder, a bitter attitude and an intention to destroy them. Fortunately (but not accidently, since there are no accidents) the start of our business coinsided with the beginning of my interest and learning about the law of attraction. I was new to the concept that “what you put your attention on grows, ” but I knew I didn’t want have the roots of our business planted in toxic soil. As a result, I choose to make a specific and deliberate choice to focus NOT on wanting negative things for our competitor, but on attracting magically positive outcomes for OUR business. I was discussing our business plans with a former colleague and he asked me, “Don’t you want to just take those other guys out at the knees?” I responded, “No. We’re not going to be successful if I’m distracted by trying to undermine them. We’ll put our focus on what we have the most direct influence on— growing OUR business. If in the process, we put them out of business, so be it.” And that’s what happened. By putting our positive attention on being of willing service to our clients our business grew by leaps and bounds in the first year. We multiplied our growth in the years to come, eventually becoming #1 in our industry for our area, while proudly maintaining our reputation for great service. In fact, we came to have a cooperative relationship with our competitors. This saved tons of time and energy that others may have chose to spend on mud slinging and unethical behavior.
Being deliberate about where we focused our attention was supported by a couple other key laws of attraction. By remaining mindful that there is a limitless supply of abundance in the universe, we didn’t even have a desire for the downfall of our competitors business. There’s plenty for everyone. This mindset saturates our work and sets the tone for cheerful, generous interactions, rather than bitter stinginess. Ultimately, the foundation for this is anchored in choosing to let go of fear-based thinking.
It takes a certain leap of faith to trust the universe has your back in the business world. It’s been my experience that even in business, when I ask for what I need and want the perfect resources and teachers always appear to help me along to the next destination of my journey. I’m here to attest that all good things flood to you when you genuinely connect to this truth from a Course in Miracles, “If you knew who walks beside you on the path that you have chosen, you could never ever be afraid.” You’d be amazed at what the universe has in store for you.
The Mindset Secret: Put your positive attention and intention on the good outcomes you want for your business by focusing on abundance and fear-free thinking.
Want to get serious about shifting your mindset? I recommend surrounding yourself with people who share a strong mindset too. It also really helps to have a mentor who’s been through it and can provide the encouragement and accountability that will take your and your business to the next level. Check out my group and private coaching programs and see one feels like what you need in your life right now at www.pleaseaholics.com
When we set out to launch our first business over a decade ago, we almost crashed and burned before we even got started. We had reach a verbal agreement to buy an existing company, when at the last minute they agreed to sell their business to someone else. We were heart broken and angry. Nevertheless, we decided to put that in our rearview mirror and build our own company from the ground up. Now it’s easy to say we were “moving on” from a perceived offense or injury, but another to actually let go of resentment. Nevertheless its festering negativity that can be our undoing if we’re not careful.
Of course, our main competitor was the new owners of the company we’d wanted to buy. It would have been really easy to start off our company with a chip on our shoulder, a bitter attitude and an intention to destroy them. Fortunately (but not accidently, since there are no accidents) the start of our business coinsided with the beginning of my interest and learning about the law of attraction. I was new to the concept that “what you put your attention on grows, ” but I knew I didn’t want have the roots of our business planted in toxic soil. As a result, I choose to make a specific and deliberate choice to focus NOT on wanting negative things for our competitor, but on attracting magically positive outcomes for OUR business. I was discussing our business plans with a former colleague and he asked me, “Don’t you want to just take those other guys out at the knees?” I responded, “No. We’re not going to be successful if I’m distracted by trying to undermine them. We’ll put our focus on what we have the most direct influence on— growing OUR business. If in the process, we put them out of business, so be it.” And that’s what happened. By putting our positive attention on being of willing service to our clients our business grew by leaps and bounds in the first year. We multiplied our growth in the years to come, eventually becoming #1 in our industry for our area, while proudly maintaining our reputation for great service. In fact, we came to have a cooperative relationship with our competitors. This saved tons of time and energy that others may have chose to spend on mud slinging and unethical behavior.
Being deliberate about where we focused our attention was supported by a couple other key laws of attraction. By remaining mindful that there is a limitless supply of abundance in the universe, we didn’t even have a desire for the downfall of our competitors business. There’s plenty for everyone. This mindset saturates our work and sets the tone for cheerful, generous interactions, rather than bitter stinginess. Ultimately, the foundation for this is anchored in choosing to let go of fear-based thinking.
It takes a certain leap of faith to trust the universe has your back in the business world. It’s been my experience that even in business, when I ask for what I need and want the perfect resources and teachers always appear to help me along to the next destination of my journey. I’m here to attest that all good things flood to you when you genuinely connect to this truth from a Course in Miracles, “If you knew who walks beside you on the path that you have chosen, you could never ever be afraid.” You’d be amazed at what the universe has in store for you.
The Mindset Secret: Put your positive attention and intention on the good outcomes you want for your business by focusing on abundance and fear-free thinking.
Want to get serious about shifting your mindset? I recommend surrounding yourself with people who share a strong mindset too. It also really helps to have a mentor who’s been through it and can provide the encouragement and accountability that will take your and your business to the next level. Check out my group and private coaching programs and see one feels like what you need in your life right now at www.pleaseaholics.com
Stop Yelling at Your Kids Without Losing Your Mind
Sometimes a whisper is louder than a shout.
Here are two super easy alternatives to yelling at your kids.
SING!
As anger and frustration build, you can feel the yelling ready to fly out of your mouth. And let’s be honest...sometimes yelling just feels like such a satisfying way to let the cork off the pressure cooker. Afterward, however, you regret the things you said in anger. It’s very easy for yelling to get out of hand, even escalating to verbal or emotional abuse. No parent wants to be the reason their child feels hurt or unloveable.
A great way to open the release valve on your stress level without scarring your kids is to sing. SING LOUD! It doesn’t matter if you are tone deaf. The lyrics don’t need to rhyme, or even make sense. All you have to do is put your words to music, with a little spunk and drama added for good measure. (My favorite style is Opera. It sounds terrible, which makes kids laugh. This tends to make them more cooperative. Plus it’s hard to be too mean when acting so foolish.)
A bold, crescendoing “Let’s clean up the toys!”allows you to be as loud as you would be if your were yelling, but keep the anger and intimidation out of it so you’re not damaging your kids.
Playfulness illicits their cooperation. Ask them to sing with your or add lines to the song while they’re doing what you asked.
Whisper
When you find yourself on the verge of freaking out, you can get your point across just as, if not more, effectively by whispering versus shouting. Whispering has an intensity because the listener has to pay close attention in order to hear; however, much of the anger in your voice is masked by the low volume. If you don’t think you can control your facial expression or other non verbal language, take a deep breath and let it out. Then approach your child from behind. With your hands on their shoulders or by wrapping them up in a hug, close your eyes, then whisper your message in their ear. Make sure to close your eyes!!! It’ll help keep you calmer as you speak.
There’s also an intrigue in whispering. If you’re contained enough to keep your frustration out of your voice and gestures, approach them quietly. Beckon them to “come here” with arched eye brows and wide eyes, like you have an exciting secret . If you have more than one kid, have them huddle around like you’re going to share an interesting mystery. The curiousity built by your approach will assure you have their full attention. They’ll be engaged and ready to hear what you have to say. Then whisper your directives to them. (If they’re little make a game out of staying quiet while they complete the task.)
Even if your irritation pushes your voice to a loud, harsh whisper, the intensity will convey your seriousness about your message without going into a rage. It may be even more intense than shouting in some ways. Yet, it’s less traumatic that being shrieked at. Whispering can be a way to break up old habits. Yelling can become such a staple in many families that kids just learn to tune it out. Whispering demonstrates that you’re in control and deliberately managing your stress and anger which lends credibility rather than they just growing accustomed to riding out the storms. Shaking up your routine can help get your message across more effectively.
Assignment: Next time you have an occasion to loose your temper, and yell, choose to SING or WHISPER instead. Not how differently your family reacts. Notice what it was like for you not to yell. Did any reactions surprise you? Journal or track for a month and see what results your see over time.
Here are two super easy alternatives to yelling at your kids.
SING!
As anger and frustration build, you can feel the yelling ready to fly out of your mouth. And let’s be honest...sometimes yelling just feels like such a satisfying way to let the cork off the pressure cooker. Afterward, however, you regret the things you said in anger. It’s very easy for yelling to get out of hand, even escalating to verbal or emotional abuse. No parent wants to be the reason their child feels hurt or unloveable.
A great way to open the release valve on your stress level without scarring your kids is to sing. SING LOUD! It doesn’t matter if you are tone deaf. The lyrics don’t need to rhyme, or even make sense. All you have to do is put your words to music, with a little spunk and drama added for good measure. (My favorite style is Opera. It sounds terrible, which makes kids laugh. This tends to make them more cooperative. Plus it’s hard to be too mean when acting so foolish.)
A bold, crescendoing “Let’s clean up the toys!”allows you to be as loud as you would be if your were yelling, but keep the anger and intimidation out of it so you’re not damaging your kids.
Playfulness illicits their cooperation. Ask them to sing with your or add lines to the song while they’re doing what you asked.
Whisper
When you find yourself on the verge of freaking out, you can get your point across just as, if not more, effectively by whispering versus shouting. Whispering has an intensity because the listener has to pay close attention in order to hear; however, much of the anger in your voice is masked by the low volume. If you don’t think you can control your facial expression or other non verbal language, take a deep breath and let it out. Then approach your child from behind. With your hands on their shoulders or by wrapping them up in a hug, close your eyes, then whisper your message in their ear. Make sure to close your eyes!!! It’ll help keep you calmer as you speak.
There’s also an intrigue in whispering. If you’re contained enough to keep your frustration out of your voice and gestures, approach them quietly. Beckon them to “come here” with arched eye brows and wide eyes, like you have an exciting secret . If you have more than one kid, have them huddle around like you’re going to share an interesting mystery. The curiousity built by your approach will assure you have their full attention. They’ll be engaged and ready to hear what you have to say. Then whisper your directives to them. (If they’re little make a game out of staying quiet while they complete the task.)
Even if your irritation pushes your voice to a loud, harsh whisper, the intensity will convey your seriousness about your message without going into a rage. It may be even more intense than shouting in some ways. Yet, it’s less traumatic that being shrieked at. Whispering can be a way to break up old habits. Yelling can become such a staple in many families that kids just learn to tune it out. Whispering demonstrates that you’re in control and deliberately managing your stress and anger which lends credibility rather than they just growing accustomed to riding out the storms. Shaking up your routine can help get your message across more effectively.
Assignment: Next time you have an occasion to loose your temper, and yell, choose to SING or WHISPER instead. Not how differently your family reacts. Notice what it was like for you not to yell. Did any reactions surprise you? Journal or track for a month and see what results your see over time.
How To Say No To Your Kids & Stick With It
Three quick tips you can use TODAY to say no to your kids AND STICK TO IT!
Usually saying no and sticking to it is related to your belief in your own authority. But let’s not get bogged down in too much big picture stuff right off the bat. Building confidence and stepping into your power is a process, but here’s a secret...it’s actually easier to feel confident and comfortable with your authority if you just put a couple tips into practice. I’ll bet the feelings will follow. That way we’ll kill two birds with one stone—you’ll have some great techniques to implement right away AND you’ll be on your way to standing strong in your own skin.
Tip #1: Use the power of “No” sparingly
When kids hear “no” all the time, it begins to loose its effectiveness. They can become frustrated because they feel you’re not taking their requests and needs to heart. Therefore, the relationship takes on an adversarial versus cooperative tone. Also, frequent “no’s” make kids think it actually means “maybe” or see it as a signal to begin bargaining, rather than taking your no seriously. Kids can’t help but learn this when their barrage of negotiation tactics are met with repeated (and some times increasingly loud) no’s until ultimately you given in. “No” becomes diluted, as does their respect for you.
Instead of leaping to “No” then changing your mind, simply say “Maybe” or “I need a minute to think about that.” I know it sounds simple, but it can be easy to spit out “no” out of habit, frustration or distraction. Once you’ve said no, stick with it. But, you don’t need to repeat yourself over and over. Instead simply ask them, “What was my answer?” and let them fill in their own no.
Tip #2: Say “No” Without Saying “No”
OK—so I know you’re thinking, “If I can’t say no, how can I set limits?” There are many good ways to say no without using the work no. When your child asks permission to go play video games, for example, you could answer “No, you need to do your chores first.” Instead reply, “Yes, as soon as you get your chores done.” Starting your answer with a “yes” given the illusion of permission whil still setting standards, limits and expectataions. Kids are less likely to contest an answer that starts with yes. (But they still will—we’ll take a look at that in a second.)
Again the tone and quality of the relationship and conversation improves when yes, vs. no, is the foundation of your dialogue. When kids have the feeling your looking to say yes, not no, they’ll instinctively want to work with you vs. against you.
Special Circumstances—Toddlers
Saying no to toddler without saying no can be phrased in exactly the same way with equally good results. However, an added secret is a little trick I used to set boundaries for toddlers, especially concerning a safely hazard. I learned this from a dog obedience book (don’t judge me until you’ve heard how good this idea is.) :) Anyway, here’s the secret: Don’t discipline the child. Discipline the object you want them to stay away from. For example, our son used to love touching the fireplace when he was little. Of course we didn’t want him touching it even if it wasn’t lit. Telling him “no” and moving him away repeatedly didn’t work. We didn’t want to resorting to yelling, smacking his hand or spanking, so we yelled at the fireplace. (I know it sounds crazy, but it does really work!)
When your child goes near the thing you don’t want him to have access to without your permission, you must completely ignore them. (But make sure they see you yell at the object.) Do not even make eye contact as you walk to the forbidden object. Then, putting your full attention on the object, smack it with your hand repeatedly and shout, “Bad Fireplace! (or whatever the object is) Bad, Bad, Bad Fireplace! No, no, no, no, no!” Then walk away. Your child will not want to go near the thing that receives so much of your negativity and disapproval. AND how great that those tender, innocent little ones won’t come to think that THEY are the object you’re your anger and disapproval.
Tip #3: Broken Record
Even with your best “yes–based” answers, kids will still test your boundaries. Once you’ve given your “Yes, you can ...as soon as you…”all you have to do is play it back like a broken record in response to their attempts at negotiation. Keep a firm matter of fact tone and replay over and over until they relent.“But Kate doesn’t have to”“Yes, You can ...as soon as you…”“That’s not fair!”“Yes, You can...as soon as you…”
Usually kids will tire of negotiation when they find it’s no longer effective in manipulating the situation and only postpones the inevitable—them following directions so they can get whatever privlidge they’re after. However, it’s my personal policy to NEVER repeat myself more than three times. If I have to repeat my answer more than that, my next response is to firmly state, “You have my answer. If you ask me again the answer will be NO.” ONLY do this if you KNOW you’re going to follow through! Consistency is the name of the game here.
Here’s your assignment: Use the “Yes, You can...as soon as you…” format rather than “No” to answer at least two questions today. Follow it with Broken Record if necessary.
Usually saying no and sticking to it is related to your belief in your own authority. But let’s not get bogged down in too much big picture stuff right off the bat. Building confidence and stepping into your power is a process, but here’s a secret...it’s actually easier to feel confident and comfortable with your authority if you just put a couple tips into practice. I’ll bet the feelings will follow. That way we’ll kill two birds with one stone—you’ll have some great techniques to implement right away AND you’ll be on your way to standing strong in your own skin.
Tip #1: Use the power of “No” sparingly
When kids hear “no” all the time, it begins to loose its effectiveness. They can become frustrated because they feel you’re not taking their requests and needs to heart. Therefore, the relationship takes on an adversarial versus cooperative tone. Also, frequent “no’s” make kids think it actually means “maybe” or see it as a signal to begin bargaining, rather than taking your no seriously. Kids can’t help but learn this when their barrage of negotiation tactics are met with repeated (and some times increasingly loud) no’s until ultimately you given in. “No” becomes diluted, as does their respect for you.
Instead of leaping to “No” then changing your mind, simply say “Maybe” or “I need a minute to think about that.” I know it sounds simple, but it can be easy to spit out “no” out of habit, frustration or distraction. Once you’ve said no, stick with it. But, you don’t need to repeat yourself over and over. Instead simply ask them, “What was my answer?” and let them fill in their own no.
Tip #2: Say “No” Without Saying “No”
OK—so I know you’re thinking, “If I can’t say no, how can I set limits?” There are many good ways to say no without using the work no. When your child asks permission to go play video games, for example, you could answer “No, you need to do your chores first.” Instead reply, “Yes, as soon as you get your chores done.” Starting your answer with a “yes” given the illusion of permission whil still setting standards, limits and expectataions. Kids are less likely to contest an answer that starts with yes. (But they still will—we’ll take a look at that in a second.)
Again the tone and quality of the relationship and conversation improves when yes, vs. no, is the foundation of your dialogue. When kids have the feeling your looking to say yes, not no, they’ll instinctively want to work with you vs. against you.
Special Circumstances—Toddlers
Saying no to toddler without saying no can be phrased in exactly the same way with equally good results. However, an added secret is a little trick I used to set boundaries for toddlers, especially concerning a safely hazard. I learned this from a dog obedience book (don’t judge me until you’ve heard how good this idea is.) :) Anyway, here’s the secret: Don’t discipline the child. Discipline the object you want them to stay away from. For example, our son used to love touching the fireplace when he was little. Of course we didn’t want him touching it even if it wasn’t lit. Telling him “no” and moving him away repeatedly didn’t work. We didn’t want to resorting to yelling, smacking his hand or spanking, so we yelled at the fireplace. (I know it sounds crazy, but it does really work!)
When your child goes near the thing you don’t want him to have access to without your permission, you must completely ignore them. (But make sure they see you yell at the object.) Do not even make eye contact as you walk to the forbidden object. Then, putting your full attention on the object, smack it with your hand repeatedly and shout, “Bad Fireplace! (or whatever the object is) Bad, Bad, Bad Fireplace! No, no, no, no, no!” Then walk away. Your child will not want to go near the thing that receives so much of your negativity and disapproval. AND how great that those tender, innocent little ones won’t come to think that THEY are the object you’re your anger and disapproval.
Tip #3: Broken Record
Even with your best “yes–based” answers, kids will still test your boundaries. Once you’ve given your “Yes, you can ...as soon as you…”all you have to do is play it back like a broken record in response to their attempts at negotiation. Keep a firm matter of fact tone and replay over and over until they relent.“But Kate doesn’t have to”“Yes, You can ...as soon as you…”“That’s not fair!”“Yes, You can...as soon as you…”
Usually kids will tire of negotiation when they find it’s no longer effective in manipulating the situation and only postpones the inevitable—them following directions so they can get whatever privlidge they’re after. However, it’s my personal policy to NEVER repeat myself more than three times. If I have to repeat my answer more than that, my next response is to firmly state, “You have my answer. If you ask me again the answer will be NO.” ONLY do this if you KNOW you’re going to follow through! Consistency is the name of the game here.
Here’s your assignment: Use the “Yes, You can...as soon as you…” format rather than “No” to answer at least two questions today. Follow it with Broken Record if necessary.
Seat Belt Law of Life
One of my most valuable teachers has been my seat belt.
Like most of life’s powerful lessons, this one came at a moment when I was feeling emotionally spent and teetering on burnout. (The universe has a sick sense of humor!) I remember feeling more stressed than usual, ready to explode with the slightest provocation, but trying to keep it together. (Mothers of small children I think you may have an idea what I’m talking about.) We were running late, so I was impatiently herding the children into the car, yelling at them to hurry, hurry, hurry. I jump into the drivers seat and use my left hand to grab the seat belt from above my left shoulder, only to find it won’t move more than 2 inches. It’s stuck…frozen…unwilling to budge.
Given my already frazzled mental state, I’m in no mood for the seat belt to toy with my emotions. So of course I do what any sane, balanced, adult would do…I fight with the seat belt. I yank and tug and pull harder and harder, committed to not being outsmarted by a strap of canvas. (Too late!) Not surprisingly, the action of repeatedly jerking in this way looks a lot like the “Psycho” stabbing thing people to indicate some one has lost it. That probably wasn’t far from the truth in my case. I’m pretty sure that way my kids were thinking: “Mom’s lost it!”
Somehow, I suddenly became aware of how I must look embroiled in a death match with a seat belt! I took a deep breath, and let go of the seat belt. I let go of the struggle. Guess what the seat belt did? It didn’t yell at me or call me names. It didn’t attack me or flip me off. It just gently retracted back into the mechanism as if nothing had happened.
I tried the seat belt again, and wouldn’t you know it, this time it glided smoothly across my waist and clicked into place.
I had to smile at the simple genius of the lesson the seat belt taught me that day. The metaphor of this experience mirrors all the ways we can find ourselves in power struggles that complicate our lives and make us feel and act a little “psycho.” The truly amazing thing is that often the thing we’re struggling against doesn’t even care that much. You may be in a one-way tug of war, battling yourself into exhaustion. The universe will let you battle away against your own metaphorical seat belt, patiently waiting for you to let go.
The seat belt is a metaphor for all the things we choose to battle against. The battles can be virtuous – Poverty. Injustice. Cancer. Grief. Pain. Addiction. Loss. The battles can be trivial – Getting “your way.” Convincing others you’re “right.” Being “in control.” Who did or didn’t bring the right thing to the pot luck. Does your kid’s outfit match. Whether or not the house is spotless. All things related to coddling the ego. They can be important and/or necessary – Husband. Wife. Partner. Ex-spouse. Kids. Mom. Dad. Sister. Brother. Even something intangible like some underlying feeling that life is working against you. Friends. The grumpy cashier at the grocery store. Rude drivers. Co-workers. Your Boss. Money. Career. That voice inside your head that says you’re not quite good enough.
No matter what it is you’re choosing to wage war with, the lesson remains the same. The key to finding peace with the moment is to take a deep breath…and LET GO!!! Surrender to the moment. Stop trying to control it all. Detach from the outcome. Don’t be a martyr. Choose to approach the situation with love rather than fear. Connect to your Source. Trust that you’re not alone to handle the struggle. There is limitless love, abundance, peace and wellness in the universe…we just have to tap into it.
Just like the seat belt story, when you finally, FINALLY choose to take a deep breath and let go, do you know what happens? CLICK! Things start to click into place. Make the choice to let go of your battles and make room for the abundance and peace the universe has waiting for you.
Like most of life’s powerful lessons, this one came at a moment when I was feeling emotionally spent and teetering on burnout. (The universe has a sick sense of humor!) I remember feeling more stressed than usual, ready to explode with the slightest provocation, but trying to keep it together. (Mothers of small children I think you may have an idea what I’m talking about.) We were running late, so I was impatiently herding the children into the car, yelling at them to hurry, hurry, hurry. I jump into the drivers seat and use my left hand to grab the seat belt from above my left shoulder, only to find it won’t move more than 2 inches. It’s stuck…frozen…unwilling to budge.
Given my already frazzled mental state, I’m in no mood for the seat belt to toy with my emotions. So of course I do what any sane, balanced, adult would do…I fight with the seat belt. I yank and tug and pull harder and harder, committed to not being outsmarted by a strap of canvas. (Too late!) Not surprisingly, the action of repeatedly jerking in this way looks a lot like the “Psycho” stabbing thing people to indicate some one has lost it. That probably wasn’t far from the truth in my case. I’m pretty sure that way my kids were thinking: “Mom’s lost it!”
Somehow, I suddenly became aware of how I must look embroiled in a death match with a seat belt! I took a deep breath, and let go of the seat belt. I let go of the struggle. Guess what the seat belt did? It didn’t yell at me or call me names. It didn’t attack me or flip me off. It just gently retracted back into the mechanism as if nothing had happened.
I tried the seat belt again, and wouldn’t you know it, this time it glided smoothly across my waist and clicked into place.
I had to smile at the simple genius of the lesson the seat belt taught me that day. The metaphor of this experience mirrors all the ways we can find ourselves in power struggles that complicate our lives and make us feel and act a little “psycho.” The truly amazing thing is that often the thing we’re struggling against doesn’t even care that much. You may be in a one-way tug of war, battling yourself into exhaustion. The universe will let you battle away against your own metaphorical seat belt, patiently waiting for you to let go.
The seat belt is a metaphor for all the things we choose to battle against. The battles can be virtuous – Poverty. Injustice. Cancer. Grief. Pain. Addiction. Loss. The battles can be trivial – Getting “your way.” Convincing others you’re “right.” Being “in control.” Who did or didn’t bring the right thing to the pot luck. Does your kid’s outfit match. Whether or not the house is spotless. All things related to coddling the ego. They can be important and/or necessary – Husband. Wife. Partner. Ex-spouse. Kids. Mom. Dad. Sister. Brother. Even something intangible like some underlying feeling that life is working against you. Friends. The grumpy cashier at the grocery store. Rude drivers. Co-workers. Your Boss. Money. Career. That voice inside your head that says you’re not quite good enough.
No matter what it is you’re choosing to wage war with, the lesson remains the same. The key to finding peace with the moment is to take a deep breath…and LET GO!!! Surrender to the moment. Stop trying to control it all. Detach from the outcome. Don’t be a martyr. Choose to approach the situation with love rather than fear. Connect to your Source. Trust that you’re not alone to handle the struggle. There is limitless love, abundance, peace and wellness in the universe…we just have to tap into it.
Just like the seat belt story, when you finally, FINALLY choose to take a deep breath and let go, do you know what happens? CLICK! Things start to click into place. Make the choice to let go of your battles and make room for the abundance and peace the universe has waiting for you.
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