Our family spent this past weekend at our son’s basketball tournament. Witnessing and being involved with our kids’ activities is one of my favorite ways to spend time. It’s such a joy to watch them grow and develop as people as they stretch themselves to try new and bigger things. They inspire me to keep pushing myself too!
I’m routinely impressed with what great basketball players 11 year olds can be! It’s so much fun to see the kids learning the life-long lessons of character and confidence that playing sports brings. Our team played so well together, that they earned their way to the championship game. With 5 seconds to go in the championship our team was up 2 points. With an unbelievable shot, the other team hit a 3-point basket at the buzzer to win by one. The kids were devastated! (as were the coaches and more than a few parents) They’d worked so hard and were seconds from victory only to have it dissolve in front of their eyes.
Our coaches teach the boys to show grace and sportsmanship in both victory and defeat, so the boys demonstrated great poise in the face of their disappointment. I was so inspired by the resilience and strength of character they mustered even though their view was blurred by tears. They are great examples of how to handle challenges life throws our way.
I was so impressed with how well the kids managed their heartbreak…at least on the outside. I couldn’t help but wonder what they were each thinking on the inside. It reminded me of my favorite definition of self-esteem: “Self esteem is what you say to yourself with things aren’t going well.”
What do you say to yourself when things aren’t going well?
The answer to this question reflects your self worth and beliefs about what’s possible in your life. If your self image whispers, “You don’t deserve it.” or “You can’t do it.” it’ll overpower your strongest desires to achieve your goals and dreams. Even if you want something desperately, you will struggle to make it happen as long as your self-esteem has its foot on the brake.
The thoughts that enter your mind when the chips are down are a voice-over loop of messages you’ve received throughout your life. If you’re hard on yourself or put yourself down when challenges arise it’s because that’s what you’ve been taught to do. This tape may have been playing in your head for so long you might not even realize it’s not supposed to be there. You might think that’s just how everyone thinks. Would it surprise you to know you can erase and re-record something different? It’s time to record a new message and stop being so hard on yourself so you can boost your enthusiasm and ability to attract all you desire.
You must learn to be more kind to yourself. Yet, I know, this is easier said than done. I want to give you the tools you need to overcome obstacles along your path. Here’s the step-by-step process you can use time and again to shift to a kinder, gentler mindset when things aren’t going the way you’d like.
1. Notice when your voice over is sending negative messages.
2. Interrupt these thoughts in their tracks – say stop.
3. Replace them with positive messages.
4. If the messages continue to punish or battle with you, consider what purpose this pain can serve. Is there a lesson here that could help you grow? Can you use this struggle to inspire others?
Repeat this process any time you find your inner critic nagging at you throughout your day.
Coming up with new, positive messages can be difficult if criticism comes more naturally. Try these tips to create affirmations
· State the opposite of what your inner critic or fear-based thought is trying to say (I deserve to be treated with respect.)
· Base it on your strengths (I have a good heart.)
· Lend yourself the same compassion you’d offer a small, scared child who’s upset and crying. (It’s going to be ok. I’m sorry it’s so hard today.)
· Force yourself to come up with exceptions to the negative label your inner critic is trying to convince you of (It’s ok to ask for what I want. Asking for what I want doesn’t make me selfish. I’m generous and kind. Like the time I volunteered to …)
· What would your biggest fan, soul mate or higher power say they appreciate about you? (You have so many special gifts. For example, you were born to teach.)
· Underneath, what do you sense is your purpose? How can you connect this challenge to the values that matter to you most? (I feel broken, like damaged goods because I was abused as a kid. I can’t accept I am special and wonderful yet. If I could bring some good from my pain it might help. Maybe I can volunteer at or fundraise for a foundation that helps abused kids.)
Give yourself credit for the pain you’ve experienced in the past. I’m grateful that you developed ways to cope so you could arrive here at this point in your life. Use your own inner strength to keep moving forward. You’re stonger and more wonderful than you give yourself credit for. Yet those old coping mechanisms are no longer serving you well. It’s time to let them go and allow for an image of yourself that reflects your divine gifts and purpose. It’s time to remember who you were born to be.
You deserve to be treated with kindness and dignity. If you wince at the thought of this idea, that’s a signal that your self esteem has taken a beating. Trust that I believe in your intrinsic value and worth enough for the both of us, until you come to know it for yourself.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Wanted: A Few Big Dreamers
This past weekend, I had a good old-fashioned slumber party with my best friend Michelle. Her husband was away on business so we took advantage of the opportunity to enjoy a girls night in. We talked and ate and talked some more. Michelle and I have been known to stay up talking all night without even realizing time had passed until we saw the sun start to come up!
While we didn’t stay up all night this time, we did cover all the necessary sleep over topics – relationships, kids, career, chocolate. Since we both have birthdays this month, we also talked a lot about where we are in life and where we want to be when our birthdays roll around this time next year. I decided I want to dedicate this next year to growing by leaps and bounds. Next November will be my 40th birthday, a definite milestone. Throughout our 20’s and 30’s my friends and I would talk about how the struggles we were learning from then would mean we’d be so awesome at 40. I’m going to make sure that’s 100% true for me. Join me! Let’s all stride boldly in the direction of our dreams. Together we are unstoppable!
What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?
What are the secret desires of your heart?
Most of the time we dismiss the big dreams that float through our thoughts. We write them off as “unrealistic” or “impossible.” Why? Because no one else has done it before? Because it would be difficult, scary or uncomfortable? This type of limited thinking is what keeps most people locked in lives of quiet desperation. The truth is any idea that comes to you holds divine inspiration. That thought would not occur to you unless there was a way to bring it to life. Rather than talk yourself out it, consider how to make it happen. What’s the dream that you keep pushing to the side? Would it surprise you to know if you can dream it you can do it?
The beauty of big dreams is that they scare most people. That means for those of us brave and faithful enough to stretch ourselves to pursue big dreams have very little competition. It’s much harder to find success when you’re one of the pack, a common face in the crowd. Most people will resign themselves to the protection of the group, so it doesn’t take much to distinguish yourself. By doing just a little more than expected and stretching yourself past your comfort zone you move into less crowed territory. You become a shining light, capable of attracting the people and opportunities that will shepherd in the life of your dreams.
I want you to have the life of your dreams. It’s the life that exists just on the other side of your fears. The secret is those fears are illusions that you can stride through any time you wish. I love this quote from A Course in Miracles: “If you knew who walked beside you on the path that you have chosen, you could never be afraid.”
It’s time to cast aside old habits, labels, patterns and fears. The world needs a few committed people to step up and create the change they want to see in the world. Do your part. Anchor yourself to your divine gifts and share them generously with those around you and the world. Trust that you already have all you need to make your dreams come true. You’re not alone. And until you know that for sure, I’ve got your back.
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Productive.
While we didn’t stay up all night this time, we did cover all the necessary sleep over topics – relationships, kids, career, chocolate. Since we both have birthdays this month, we also talked a lot about where we are in life and where we want to be when our birthdays roll around this time next year. I decided I want to dedicate this next year to growing by leaps and bounds. Next November will be my 40th birthday, a definite milestone. Throughout our 20’s and 30’s my friends and I would talk about how the struggles we were learning from then would mean we’d be so awesome at 40. I’m going to make sure that’s 100% true for me. Join me! Let’s all stride boldly in the direction of our dreams. Together we are unstoppable!
What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?
What are the secret desires of your heart?
Most of the time we dismiss the big dreams that float through our thoughts. We write them off as “unrealistic” or “impossible.” Why? Because no one else has done it before? Because it would be difficult, scary or uncomfortable? This type of limited thinking is what keeps most people locked in lives of quiet desperation. The truth is any idea that comes to you holds divine inspiration. That thought would not occur to you unless there was a way to bring it to life. Rather than talk yourself out it, consider how to make it happen. What’s the dream that you keep pushing to the side? Would it surprise you to know if you can dream it you can do it?
The beauty of big dreams is that they scare most people. That means for those of us brave and faithful enough to stretch ourselves to pursue big dreams have very little competition. It’s much harder to find success when you’re one of the pack, a common face in the crowd. Most people will resign themselves to the protection of the group, so it doesn’t take much to distinguish yourself. By doing just a little more than expected and stretching yourself past your comfort zone you move into less crowed territory. You become a shining light, capable of attracting the people and opportunities that will shepherd in the life of your dreams.
I want you to have the life of your dreams. It’s the life that exists just on the other side of your fears. The secret is those fears are illusions that you can stride through any time you wish. I love this quote from A Course in Miracles: “If you knew who walked beside you on the path that you have chosen, you could never be afraid.”
It’s time to cast aside old habits, labels, patterns and fears. The world needs a few committed people to step up and create the change they want to see in the world. Do your part. Anchor yourself to your divine gifts and share them generously with those around you and the world. Trust that you already have all you need to make your dreams come true. You’re not alone. And until you know that for sure, I’ve got your back.
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Productive.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Who's Your BFF?
I’m still grinning when I think about the wonderful memories created last weekend at Success Unplugged. There’s nothing like being surrounded by that much girl power!
I had the great privilege, not only to speak at this awesome event, but also to attend with my very best friends in the world. It was a true joy to share the day with these wonderful women. It reminded me how very blessed I am to be surrounded by friends who encourage, support and believe in me. These amazing women are an ever-present source of inspiration and love. I felt so happy and grateful to spend the in their presence. Because there is a limitless supply of awesome in the universe, I also had the very good fortune to meet some wonderful new women too, with the promise of future friendships in the making.
Are your friends supportive or toxic? Are you a good friend to yourself?
I was at a women’s business association meeting recently where the guest speaker was a former local news anchor, Margo Meyers. She talked about the important role friendships between women play in a woman’s well being. A recent study indicates that women who have good friendships with other women are happier, less stressed and actually even live longer! What an eye opener!
What’s your support network like? Do you have friends you can lean on? Share joys and sorrows with? Are your friendships supportive, loving and compassionate or toxic, discouraging and imbalanced? If you’re blessed to have great friends, add that to your list of things to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. If not, add “BFF” to your Christmas wish list. Merely acknowledging your desire for divine friendships begins the flow of new, healthier relationships in your direction. Keep your eyes open for the wonderful women who are all around you and begin to cultivate strong, healthy friendships.
The one person you can always count on to be there is YOU! Are you a good friend to yourself? Do you show yourself respect and kindness? I adore the unique blend of traits that makes you a one of a kind work of art. Ironically these same traits are often the things people are most critical of themselves about. It breaks my heart to watch someone put themselves down, or ruthlessly critique their every action or appearance.
Many people treat themselves much more harshly than they would ever consider handling a friend. To align your thoughts with a more positive view of yourself and quiet those critical thoughts, speak to yourself as you would a new friend…someone you’re making a point to connect with. You’ll start attracting inspiring friendships into your life by being a good friend to yourself. Set the example for how you want others to treat you by treating yourself with love, respect and compassion. Offer yourself more loving sentiments so you get to know the wonderful person you actually are. That way you can begin to create deep, loyal, respectful, loving friendships you’ll tresure for a life time.
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Produtive. Also available online: The Better Boundaries, Better Life Coaching programs and Better Boundaries, Better Life Home Study System and Marketing & Mindset Money Magent Home Sutdy System at www.pleaseaholics.com.
I had the great privilege, not only to speak at this awesome event, but also to attend with my very best friends in the world. It was a true joy to share the day with these wonderful women. It reminded me how very blessed I am to be surrounded by friends who encourage, support and believe in me. These amazing women are an ever-present source of inspiration and love. I felt so happy and grateful to spend the in their presence. Because there is a limitless supply of awesome in the universe, I also had the very good fortune to meet some wonderful new women too, with the promise of future friendships in the making.
Are your friends supportive or toxic? Are you a good friend to yourself?
I was at a women’s business association meeting recently where the guest speaker was a former local news anchor, Margo Meyers. She talked about the important role friendships between women play in a woman’s well being. A recent study indicates that women who have good friendships with other women are happier, less stressed and actually even live longer! What an eye opener!
What’s your support network like? Do you have friends you can lean on? Share joys and sorrows with? Are your friendships supportive, loving and compassionate or toxic, discouraging and imbalanced? If you’re blessed to have great friends, add that to your list of things to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. If not, add “BFF” to your Christmas wish list. Merely acknowledging your desire for divine friendships begins the flow of new, healthier relationships in your direction. Keep your eyes open for the wonderful women who are all around you and begin to cultivate strong, healthy friendships.
The one person you can always count on to be there is YOU! Are you a good friend to yourself? Do you show yourself respect and kindness? I adore the unique blend of traits that makes you a one of a kind work of art. Ironically these same traits are often the things people are most critical of themselves about. It breaks my heart to watch someone put themselves down, or ruthlessly critique their every action or appearance.
Many people treat themselves much more harshly than they would ever consider handling a friend. To align your thoughts with a more positive view of yourself and quiet those critical thoughts, speak to yourself as you would a new friend…someone you’re making a point to connect with. You’ll start attracting inspiring friendships into your life by being a good friend to yourself. Set the example for how you want others to treat you by treating yourself with love, respect and compassion. Offer yourself more loving sentiments so you get to know the wonderful person you actually are. That way you can begin to create deep, loyal, respectful, loving friendships you’ll tresure for a life time.
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Produtive. Also available online: The Better Boundaries, Better Life Coaching programs and Better Boundaries, Better Life Home Study System and Marketing & Mindset Money Magent Home Sutdy System at www.pleaseaholics.com.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Spring Forward, Fall Back
Spring Forward, Fall Back! Tomorrow Daylights Saving Time ends and we all get an extra hour. What are you going to do with your bonus time?
I’m planning on spending mine extra hour recovering from the amazing time I’ll have at Success Unplugged (and the after party. J) I’m so excited to be sharing the stage with so many inspirational speakers at this transformational event designed for women entrepreneurs. I’ll be talking about how fear can sabotage your success and what to do about it.
Spring Forward, Fall Back! This pneumonic device used to remember which way to move the hands of the clock at the beginning and end of daylight savings time is actually great advice. It follows the council of highly successful people. People who flourish in life share many key traits. Two of these critical characteristics are:
1) They see what needs to be done and take decisive action.
2) They don’t let fear keep them stuck.
When you have a project in front of you or see a change needs to be made, Spring Forward! Don’t question yourself or let your inner critic talk you out of your instincts. Don’t procrastinate or make excuses for why it’s not getting done. Take decisive action!
Often the reason we put things off or stay immobilized is because of an underlying fear. It could be fear of doing something wrong, fears of rejection, failure, judgment, overwhelm…the list goes on. Successful people don’t let fear keep them stuck. They feel the fear and do it anyway. However, I’d like to give you a trick to adopting this habit of successful people without having to beat yourself up against that wall of fear.
The secret to getting unstuck is to know when to Fall Back. If you can’t seem to get yourself to take the first (or next) step toward completing the project, goal or change you have in mind, then your step is too big. Fall back to a smaller, more manageable step. This loophole short circuits your fears. When a step is super small it’s not considered a threat to your ego.
As you move closer to your goal, you may run into fear-based roadblocks again and again. Instead of fizzling out, temporarily fall back; regroup and prepare to take Spring Forward again. Before you know it, you’ll be at the finish line!
Your assignment: Use the extra hour you gain this weekend to assess a project, goal or change you’ve been putting off. Decide how you’ll Spring Forward, knowing you can Fall Back on small steps to reach your destination.
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Produtive.
I’m planning on spending mine extra hour recovering from the amazing time I’ll have at Success Unplugged (and the after party. J) I’m so excited to be sharing the stage with so many inspirational speakers at this transformational event designed for women entrepreneurs. I’ll be talking about how fear can sabotage your success and what to do about it.
Spring Forward, Fall Back! This pneumonic device used to remember which way to move the hands of the clock at the beginning and end of daylight savings time is actually great advice. It follows the council of highly successful people. People who flourish in life share many key traits. Two of these critical characteristics are:
1) They see what needs to be done and take decisive action.
2) They don’t let fear keep them stuck.
When you have a project in front of you or see a change needs to be made, Spring Forward! Don’t question yourself or let your inner critic talk you out of your instincts. Don’t procrastinate or make excuses for why it’s not getting done. Take decisive action!
Often the reason we put things off or stay immobilized is because of an underlying fear. It could be fear of doing something wrong, fears of rejection, failure, judgment, overwhelm…the list goes on. Successful people don’t let fear keep them stuck. They feel the fear and do it anyway. However, I’d like to give you a trick to adopting this habit of successful people without having to beat yourself up against that wall of fear.
The secret to getting unstuck is to know when to Fall Back. If you can’t seem to get yourself to take the first (or next) step toward completing the project, goal or change you have in mind, then your step is too big. Fall back to a smaller, more manageable step. This loophole short circuits your fears. When a step is super small it’s not considered a threat to your ego.
As you move closer to your goal, you may run into fear-based roadblocks again and again. Instead of fizzling out, temporarily fall back; regroup and prepare to take Spring Forward again. Before you know it, you’ll be at the finish line!
Your assignment: Use the extra hour you gain this weekend to assess a project, goal or change you’ve been putting off. Decide how you’ll Spring Forward, knowing you can Fall Back on small steps to reach your destination.
If you want more ideas and solutions to improve your life, go to www.pleaseaholics.com and get my Free CD, Stop Being So Hard On Yourself! Simple Steps to Becoming Happier and More Produtive.
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