This continues our series about how to say no and set better boundaries with kids, without stress and anger. I like to view kids as capable and cooperative. Parenting is the process of solving the puzzle of how to bring out the best in already good little people. I found parenting more fun with this approach (vs. punishment, power and control) and along the way happened upon some tricks that seemed to be easier and more effective. Win-Win!
The first super easy way to keep from yelling at your kids was singing. Here is the second...Whisper!
When you find yourself on the verge of freaking out, you can get your point across just as, if not more, effectively by whispering versus shouting. Whispering has intensity because the listener has to pay close attention in order to hear; however, the low volume masks much of the anger in your voice. If you don’t think you can control your facial expression or other non-verbal language, take a deep breath and let it out. Then approach your child from behind. With your hands on their shoulders or by wrapping them up in a hug, close your eyes, and then whisper your message in their ear. Make sure to close your eyes!!! It’ll help keep you calmer as you speak.
There’s also an intrigue in whispering. If you’re contained enough to keep your frustration out of your voice and gestures, approach them quietly. Beckon them to “come here” with arched eyebrows and wide eyes, like you have an exciting secret. If you have more than one child, have them huddle around like you’re going to share an interesting mystery. The curiosity built by your approach will assure you have their full attention. They’ll be engaged and ready to hear what you have to say. Then whisper your directives to them. (If they’re little make a game out of staying quiet while they complete the task.)
Even if your irritation pushes your voice to a loud, harsh whisper, the intensity will convey your seriousness about your message without going into a rage. It may be even more intense than shouting in some ways. Yet, it’s less traumatic than being shrieked at.
Whispering can be a way to break up old habits. Yelling can become such a staple in many families that kids just learn to tune it out. Whispering demonstrates that you’re in control and deliberately managing your stress and anger, which lends credibility rather than they just growing accustomed to riding out the storms. Shaking up your routine can help get your message across more effectively.
Next time you have an occasion to loose your temper, and yell, choose to SING or WHISPER instead. Note how differently your family reacts. Notice what it was like for you not to yell.
These stressful times will pass. The question is how will you look back on how you handled it? You want to be a source of love and comfort for your children. Be the best parent you can be by getting the support you need so you can be there for your children when they need you the most. Use these tools so you can look back on the way you handled this difficult, demanding chapter of your life without regret.
If you’d like more tools for how to create Better Boundaries and a Better Life, visit my website at www.pleaseaholics.com or contact me at stephanie@pleaseholics.com.
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