I vs. You
This month we’ve been breaking down the Pleaseaholic Formula. We’ve discussed how your Good Heart, Kid Logic and Mob Boss conspire to please others rather than be true to who you really are. To wrap up this topic I want to share a great tip to help you declutter your thoughts so you can hear your true voice.
This is the ONE thing you need to know in order to tell whether the voice that plays in your head is your true voice or not. This unbelievably simple tool is all you need to once and for all separate what you really think from the habits, beliefs and thoughts you’ve been programmed to have. I want you to have the secret to deciphering the endless stream of jabber that runs through your head all day. Often we become so accustomed to a certain way of thinking, it becomes difficult to wade through the junk to figure out what is you TRULY vs. what is your programming or inner critic.
Here’s the decoder ring… it’s super simple!! LISTEN FOR THE PRONOUNS! When you hear your inner voice use “You” that’s your inner critic, old beliefs or garbage that was programmed into your head in the past. When you hear “I” that is your true voice.
As you pay attention you’ll notice that limiting beliefs and inner criticisms almost always come attached with “YOU” On the other hand your true voice uses “I” to communicate with you.
Compare: “You can’t do that – You’re not smart enough” Vs. “I would love to go back to school” “You’ll never be able to make it on your own.” Vs. “I really need to do something about my marriage.”“You’re such a bad mother.” Vs. “I wish I wasn’t so hard on my kids.”
A statement on your inner taps that contains “You” or is negative is a con. It keeps you stuck on old patterns. “I” based thoughts may still reveal a change you need to make but are more constructive and forward focused.
A con only works if the mark doesn’t know what’s coming. Don’t fall for the con any more. I notice with my clients that often just noticing the pronouns starts to silence that inner critic. It’s like once the critic knows you’re aware of the con it stops trying to trip you up with it.
Start today! Use this tool to notice which pronouns you hear in your inner tape. I bet at least once today you’ll foil the con man and take back a sliver of your life. Now you know how to peel away the garbage and find your true voice! Pretty simple huh?
Showing posts with label self worth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self worth. Show all posts
Friday, May 27, 2011
Monday, November 29, 2010
Got Inner Critic?
Our family spent this past weekend at our son’s basketball tournament. Witnessing and being involved with our kids’ activities is one of my favorite ways to spend time. It’s such a joy to watch them grow and develop as people as they stretch themselves to try new and bigger things. They inspire me to keep pushing myself too!
I’m routinely impressed with what great basketball players 11 year olds can be! It’s so much fun to see the kids learning the life-long lessons of character and confidence that playing sports brings. Our team played so well together, that they earned their way to the championship game. With 5 seconds to go in the championship our team was up 2 points. With an unbelievable shot, the other team hit a 3-point basket at the buzzer to win by one. The kids were devastated! (as were the coaches and more than a few parents) They’d worked so hard and were seconds from victory only to have it dissolve in front of their eyes.
Our coaches teach the boys to show grace and sportsmanship in both victory and defeat, so the boys demonstrated great poise in the face of their disappointment. I was so inspired by the resilience and strength of character they mustered even though their view was blurred by tears. They are great examples of how to handle challenges life throws our way.
I was so impressed with how well the kids managed their heartbreak…at least on the outside. I couldn’t help but wonder what they were each thinking on the inside. It reminded me of my favorite definition of self-esteem: “Self esteem is what you say to yourself with things aren’t going well.”
What do you say to yourself when things aren’t going well?
The answer to this question reflects your self worth and beliefs about what’s possible in your life. If your self image whispers, “You don’t deserve it.” or “You can’t do it.” it’ll overpower your strongest desires to achieve your goals and dreams. Even if you want something desperately, you will struggle to make it happen as long as your self-esteem has its foot on the brake.
The thoughts that enter your mind when the chips are down are a voice-over loop of messages you’ve received throughout your life. If you’re hard on yourself or put yourself down when challenges arise it’s because that’s what you’ve been taught to do. This tape may have been playing in your head for so long you might not even realize it’s not supposed to be there. You might think that’s just how everyone thinks. Would it surprise you to know you can erase and re-record something different? It’s time to record a new message and stop being so hard on yourself so you can boost your enthusiasm and ability to attract all you desire.
You must learn to be more kind to yourself. Yet, I know, this is easier said than done. I want to give you the tools you need to overcome obstacles along your path. Here’s the step-by-step process you can use time and again to shift to a kinder, gentler mindset when things aren’t going the way you’d like.
1. Notice when your voice over is sending negative messages.
2. Interrupt these thoughts in their tracks – say stop.
3. Replace them with positive messages.
4. If the messages continue to punish or battle with you, consider what purpose this pain can serve. Is there a lesson here that could help you grow? Can you use this struggle to inspire others?
Repeat this process any time you find your inner critic nagging at you throughout your day.
Coming up with new, positive messages can be difficult if criticism comes more naturally. Try these tips to create affirmations
· State the opposite of what your inner critic or fear-based thought is trying to say (I deserve to be treated with respect.)
· Base it on your strengths (I have a good heart.)
· Lend yourself the same compassion you’d offer a small, scared child who’s upset and crying. (It’s going to be ok. I’m sorry it’s so hard today.)
· Force yourself to come up with exceptions to the negative label your inner critic is trying to convince you of (It’s ok to ask for what I want. Asking for what I want doesn’t make me selfish. I’m generous and kind. Like the time I volunteered to …)
· What would your biggest fan, soul mate or higher power say they appreciate about you? (You have so many special gifts. For example, you were born to teach.)
· Underneath, what do you sense is your purpose? How can you connect this challenge to the values that matter to you most? (I feel broken, like damaged goods because I was abused as a kid. I can’t accept I am special and wonderful yet. If I could bring some good from my pain it might help. Maybe I can volunteer at or fundraise for a foundation that helps abused kids.)
Give yourself credit for the pain you’ve experienced in the past. I’m grateful that you developed ways to cope so you could arrive here at this point in your life. Use your own inner strength to keep moving forward. You’re stonger and more wonderful than you give yourself credit for. Yet those old coping mechanisms are no longer serving you well. It’s time to let them go and allow for an image of yourself that reflects your divine gifts and purpose. It’s time to remember who you were born to be.
You deserve to be treated with kindness and dignity. If you wince at the thought of this idea, that’s a signal that your self esteem has taken a beating. Trust that I believe in your intrinsic value and worth enough for the both of us, until you come to know it for yourself.
I’m routinely impressed with what great basketball players 11 year olds can be! It’s so much fun to see the kids learning the life-long lessons of character and confidence that playing sports brings. Our team played so well together, that they earned their way to the championship game. With 5 seconds to go in the championship our team was up 2 points. With an unbelievable shot, the other team hit a 3-point basket at the buzzer to win by one. The kids were devastated! (as were the coaches and more than a few parents) They’d worked so hard and were seconds from victory only to have it dissolve in front of their eyes.
Our coaches teach the boys to show grace and sportsmanship in both victory and defeat, so the boys demonstrated great poise in the face of their disappointment. I was so inspired by the resilience and strength of character they mustered even though their view was blurred by tears. They are great examples of how to handle challenges life throws our way.
I was so impressed with how well the kids managed their heartbreak…at least on the outside. I couldn’t help but wonder what they were each thinking on the inside. It reminded me of my favorite definition of self-esteem: “Self esteem is what you say to yourself with things aren’t going well.”
What do you say to yourself when things aren’t going well?
The answer to this question reflects your self worth and beliefs about what’s possible in your life. If your self image whispers, “You don’t deserve it.” or “You can’t do it.” it’ll overpower your strongest desires to achieve your goals and dreams. Even if you want something desperately, you will struggle to make it happen as long as your self-esteem has its foot on the brake.
The thoughts that enter your mind when the chips are down are a voice-over loop of messages you’ve received throughout your life. If you’re hard on yourself or put yourself down when challenges arise it’s because that’s what you’ve been taught to do. This tape may have been playing in your head for so long you might not even realize it’s not supposed to be there. You might think that’s just how everyone thinks. Would it surprise you to know you can erase and re-record something different? It’s time to record a new message and stop being so hard on yourself so you can boost your enthusiasm and ability to attract all you desire.
You must learn to be more kind to yourself. Yet, I know, this is easier said than done. I want to give you the tools you need to overcome obstacles along your path. Here’s the step-by-step process you can use time and again to shift to a kinder, gentler mindset when things aren’t going the way you’d like.
1. Notice when your voice over is sending negative messages.
2. Interrupt these thoughts in their tracks – say stop.
3. Replace them with positive messages.
4. If the messages continue to punish or battle with you, consider what purpose this pain can serve. Is there a lesson here that could help you grow? Can you use this struggle to inspire others?
Repeat this process any time you find your inner critic nagging at you throughout your day.
Coming up with new, positive messages can be difficult if criticism comes more naturally. Try these tips to create affirmations
· State the opposite of what your inner critic or fear-based thought is trying to say (I deserve to be treated with respect.)
· Base it on your strengths (I have a good heart.)
· Lend yourself the same compassion you’d offer a small, scared child who’s upset and crying. (It’s going to be ok. I’m sorry it’s so hard today.)
· Force yourself to come up with exceptions to the negative label your inner critic is trying to convince you of (It’s ok to ask for what I want. Asking for what I want doesn’t make me selfish. I’m generous and kind. Like the time I volunteered to …)
· What would your biggest fan, soul mate or higher power say they appreciate about you? (You have so many special gifts. For example, you were born to teach.)
· Underneath, what do you sense is your purpose? How can you connect this challenge to the values that matter to you most? (I feel broken, like damaged goods because I was abused as a kid. I can’t accept I am special and wonderful yet. If I could bring some good from my pain it might help. Maybe I can volunteer at or fundraise for a foundation that helps abused kids.)
Give yourself credit for the pain you’ve experienced in the past. I’m grateful that you developed ways to cope so you could arrive here at this point in your life. Use your own inner strength to keep moving forward. You’re stonger and more wonderful than you give yourself credit for. Yet those old coping mechanisms are no longer serving you well. It’s time to let them go and allow for an image of yourself that reflects your divine gifts and purpose. It’s time to remember who you were born to be.
You deserve to be treated with kindness and dignity. If you wince at the thought of this idea, that’s a signal that your self esteem has taken a beating. Trust that I believe in your intrinsic value and worth enough for the both of us, until you come to know it for yourself.
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